Letters

Dear Neighbor,
I realize that we don't know eachother and have never had a conversation. I think I've made attempts to be friendly by waving when we see you driving, bringing your kids bags of candy on Halloween when I was afraid that we missed them b/c we had our little one out, and always smiling and saying hello when we are on our walks. So, would you please tell me why you find it ok to have whoever it is that stays with you, park their semi in from of our house, across the street and up a house from your own? Is the street no good in front of your house? Is it because you tilled your yard a few weeks ago and you're trying to get your yard to grow? In case you didn't notice - we tilled our yard a few days after you and are trying to do the same. Do you not find it rude at all? And why is it, that the 1 time we parked in the front of OUR house in the last 6 months, you stood there and gave us dirty looks? Did you not see that we were carring in all sorts of boxes of toys? It was our daughter's birthday and it was easier for us to use the front door instead of the back, where we would have to drag everything through the kitchen. I really shouldn't have to explain this all to you, but I'm trying to be nice. However, starting in the morning when I come home from work, I will be parking my happy ass in front of my house, knowing that whoever it is that drives the semi, won't be back until around 8am. I am no longer playing nice. I don't care if you want to give me dirty looks. I think you are rude. AND your jackass nextdoor neighbor with the race car told us how you shot your dog in the head last yr because she chewed up some of your work equipmentand you got in trouble. I think thats really fucking shitty. And I don't think that you are nice people. So yes, I will be parking my car in front of my house and no longer care or want to play nice with you. And if you don't like it then you can just SUCK ME, ASSHOLE!!!!!

Sincerely,
Your neighbor with the Grand Am parked in front






Dear Jackass,
I think you're an ok guy for the most part. I do believe you can be bit of a verbal masterbator and you tend to lie a little. Would you like an example? You told us all sorts of stories about when our house was on fire and how the previous owner died in that fire. Um, hello? It's bad enough knowing that the woman that lived in our home before us died a tragic death there. Smoke inhalation is no way to go. Thats right, smoke inhalation - thats how she died. She didn't "fry" like you said she did.They didn't bring her out " all burned up in the face" like you said you saw. I find it funny that you know anything about that fire since YOU DIDN'T EVEN LIVE IN THE CITY WHEN IT HAPPENED. Thats right, the 1 neighbor we do like and talk to told us how you and your Dad didn't rent your house until 2 months after that fire. So thanks for the images of that poor woman who owned our house before us. I'm glad thats not how she really went. Now, on to why I'm really writting - Your race car. WHAT THE FUCK????? Seriously, do you really think you're hot shit? I really just want to know why you have to rev your engine all the FUCKING time? Is it like stroking your cock? I imagine the pleasure you get from that everytime I see you walking around in your North Carolina, baby blue shorts, with your beer gut hangin' out ( BARF) like you are God's gift to women. But is there really a reason to rev your engine at all hours of the night? I realize the people across the street, on the corner from you, are deaf, but I also know that their baby isn't. And we, directly across the street from you, are NOT deaf and do not enjoy your NASCAR re-enactments @ midnight. Seriously. Why do you need to rev your engine after 10pm?? I'm just wondering I'm just letting you know that the first time you wake up my daughter(s) I will walk my cubby, unhappy ass across the street, ready to throw down, and remind you very loudly that some people aren't on unemployment and have to work in the morning and have children who enjoy sleeping at night. Then I will sit on youand squash you like the bug that you are. I don't like to be mean. Really, I don't. I'm actually a very nice person. But I see that being nice doesn't get me anywhere. Did you forget our "nice" chat last summer about you reving your engine and waking up my daughter? I guess you must have. Maybe it's all the sun intake from not wearing a shirt and having that beer belly exposed. Hmmmmmm, I wonder. Anyways, just wanting to drop you a note to remind you. If you had x-ray vision and could see behind that Semi in front of my house, you'd see me flippin you off.

Love, Annie

posted by notasoccermom @ 12:58 AM