Time for some funnySince I've become bored with life in general I thought I would tell you all a very funny and embarrassing story. It was not one of my finer moments, but it happened. Keep in mind that I'm not proud.
Embarrassing Story #1
About a year and a half ago I was still working in Hospice, but was also helping another department. This department was called Lifeline. They have the little buttons that the elderly can wear around their neck. In case they've fallen and they can't get up all they have to do is hit that button and help is on the way. Anyway, I was helping at a Sr. lucheon/presentation about an hour away that day. I was STARVING. I was really trying to stick with my weight watchers plan and be good. I don't remember what all was served, but I know that I had a lot of broccoli and some spinach. On the ride back to the office I noticed the familiar rumblings of what would be a masive poo. Once I was back to the office parking lot I said good bye to the guy I rode with and hopped in my car and started to drive home. I didn't want to drop a duce in the work restroom and I only lived 7 minutes away. This was a BIG NASTY MISTAKE.
As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I knew I had screwed up, but I couldn't turn back. Within 2 minutes I was hopping up and down in the drivers seat. I will swear to this day that it was the worst pain I have EVER felt in all of my life. NO JOKE. Then I look ahead to see that traffic isn't moving at all - There's a 3 car pile up. SHIT! Literally. I'm crying at this point. The pain is undescribable. I'm kinda freaking out. My poo is starting to play turtle( slowly sticking it's head in and out). I don't know what to do. So, I decided that I'd just let a little out. But the little felt so good that it all came out and I couldn't stop it. And it wasn't what you would call solid................
45 minutes later I pulled up in front of our apartment and realized that not only had I just shit myself, but I was wearing WHITE scrub pants that day. We lived on the 3rd floor. I made a mad dash up those stairs, praying that no one would come out and see me. No such luck. Just as I was sticking my key in the hole I heard my neighbor aross the hall come out. I turned around as fast as I could and exchanged the regular hello's and waited until he was out of sight. I flew in our apartment and headed right to the shower where I stripped off my work scrubs. All I can say is it was disgusting.
30 minutes later, once I had started the washing machine, I called my husband to thank him for letting me drive his car that day. I did end up telling him later that night while we were at bowling. His best friend, Brian laughed so hard he cried. I was nicknamed "poop stain" from there on out.
And if this wasn't all bad enough - It happened again 7 months later. I had broccoli for lunch that day and got stuck behind a train. It wasn't as bad this time. We no longer lived in our apartment and I was driving my car.......My new car that still had the intransit stickers. Karma is a bitch.
My husband's rule now is that I can not eat broccoli if I plan on being in a car or not near a bathroom for 2 hrs afterwards. It's a good rule. Just Sunday at my brother's graduation party, I told my mom that the veggie tray was low and she needed some more broccoli. My husband yells at her from the other room, "NO YOU DON'T"
Have I ever mentioned how much I love that man.
Well, I hope you had a good laugh. I have more embarrassing stories, but that will have to wait.