Thursday, June 30, 2005

And you get the snakes for free

There are 2 things that scare the shit outta me. 1 is so stupid that I won't tell you and the other is snakes.

Last yr when we moved in we left some boxes in the garage for a couple of months until we could figure out what we were going to do with them. Well, we never figured it out so Randy moved them to 3rd bedroom in the basement. We use the closet in the 3rd bedroom.

I got off of work one afternoon and picked Grace up from daycare and came home. I put her down for a nap and went to change. I went into the laundry room downstairs and stripped outta my work scrubs and then went into the 3rd bedroom to grab a pair of jeans in the closet. I looked down and thought I saw a snake. My glasses were really old so I was sure I was wrong so I bent down and looked closer. No I wasn't wrong. It was a snake.

My friends, you have never seen a fat girl take on stairs like I did that day. I think I hit the stairs twice on the way up.....screaming all the way. I slammed the door to the basement and stuffed a dish rag under it. I made sure the cats were down there as well, b/c I didn't want them to bring it to me as a present. I called Randy and told him to leave work this minute and take care of it. Then I called my Dad and asked him if snakes could get up stairs. He told me ( laughing the whole time because he thought it was funny) that snakes can get anywhere they want to. I think I hung up on him. Anyway, all my screaming woke Grace up and I went and got her and made her sit on the couch with me for the next 20 minutes. I wouldn't evn put my feet on the floor in fear that there might be another one of those bastards somewhere wating to attack.

Randy got home and went downstairs and took care of "it".
"IT" was only a baby and was already dead. Bite mark to the head. I knew I had cats for a reason. Randy says that he's seen earth worms bigger than that snake. I told him I don't give a flying fuck what he's seen. He didn't almost step on it ( and he screams like a 12 yr old girl when he sees a spider).
We figured it came in via a box from the garage. I still don't spend much time in the basement.

So guess what I almost stepped on again? Thats right-another snake. A big fat momma snake. She was MASIVE. I went to put a letter in the mail box and decided to go out the back door
( our backdoor is actually a side door off the driveway) so that I didn't wake up the baby in the living room. I made it to the mail box fine and started heading back. I heard this werid noise and I looked down and ...well. There it was. Crawling into our rockbed in the front of the house..... nesting, no doubt. I did what I like to call " I may be 50 pounds overweight, but I was a varsity cheerleader in highschool" jump. Oh, yeah- I screamed really loud too.....and then when I hit the ground I ran...Fast. What makes it even better? Our bedroom is on the other side of that rockbed. So now when I lay down at night I think of little baby snakes that are on the other side of the wall. I'm a freak.

Here is why I hate snakes : Until I was six we lived at the bottom of a hill and my Grandparents lived on the top. When I was 3 I decided I was going to run away to my Grandma's. I started walking and I saw the scariest thing ever. It was a snake trying to come through this part of the sidewalk that was broken. It must have just eaten because it was part way out, but could get it's middle out. It was thrashing around back and forth and looked pissed. Now, almost 24 years later I almost pee myself at the sight of a snake( not like a snake at the zoo or anything... that would be embarassing).

I DO NOT go in our backyard. That asshole who sold us the house forgot to mention the snakes were included for free. They're everywhere in our part of this shitty little town. Another reason I can't wait to move.

So here is my question. How do I get rid of the snake nests ( there are now 3 that we know of)
without killing them? I don't want to be mean. And I don't like my mother's idea of dumping tar in the nests. I don't want to kill them. I just don't want them in my yard. Any ideas anyone????

3 comments:

Corrie said...

Oh ewww, ewww-I freaking HATE snakes. The word snake makes my skin crawl. I'm feeling your pain. I damn HATE snakes.

k said...

Okay, what's the other thing you're afraid of?

I won't laugh. I promise. Hell, I'm afraid of velour shirts, so I can't judge.

bigbadblondie said...

Okay, I've got a story you probably don't want to hear. We had a rock wall in our backyard in York, NE when I was little. We always had snakes; my Dad would chop a couple up every time he mowed. One summer, we had a "bumper crop" of 'em. The men in the neighborhood had to haul them off in buckets because there were so many. I remember them crawling up the side of the house. They were confused because all they did was run into each other. That day gave me nightmares for years!