Sunday, July 31, 2005


I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. I'm a lucky girl.

Jamie: For giving me a sister after 25 yrs of not having one. For being an awesome aunt and always helping out without giving it a second thought. For that little boy whos like my own. For being super woman. I love you.

Brian and Kelly: For always kickin ass and being awesone. For always being a constant pillar of support when it seemed like we were standing alone. It doesn't hurt that you feed me either.

Justin and Jenna: For the food, ice cream, keeping us company and helping tear shit down. For reminding me I'm a petty bitch and need to shut up / grow up. For seeing my kid be a bully and not making me feel like a bad mother that lacks parenting skills

But Justin, the next time you give me shit about the living dead/ zombies I will kick you in the nuts...It was funny though.

Amy: For coming to visit I know you were busy. That ment a lot. You kick ass too.

My Parents: For everything - I'm not even gonna try to write it all down.

My internet friends: You prove to me that there is good out there and that eventhough I'm a little strange at times, you love me and my family all the same. I think it's because although I'm a woman, I still have balls the size of a human head. But whatever........

My husband: I love you more than the world. Thank you for all of my babies and for living with me when I have my " red head" attitude.

Six Feet Wonder - R.I.P.

Nate Fisher from Six feet Under died in tonights episode. I sat there for 5 minutes like, "Oh no they didn't" - yes they did. Let that be a lession of what happens when you cheat on your wife, men
I almost cried and it wasn't even the Final episode. It makes me wonder what else is going to happen.
But good 'ol Nate wasn't the only one who died this weekend, my friends. I'm sad to announce that my favorite bra is also riding the stairway to heaven. A week ago one of the wires came out so I pulled the other one out as well. Then I wore it today. Ummmmmm, yeah. As I was standing in our friends Brian and Kelly's bathroom I noticed that my girls were not where they were supposed to be. They were hanging wayyy to low.

Dear Bra,
I know it's only been a yr or so since I pulled you off of that clearnce rack at Gordman's and made you my own. You were a huge support(lol) though my pregnancy and brestfeeding days and I'm sorry to see you go. You're comfort will be missed......At least until I catch the next clearnce rack at Gordman's.
R.I.P. buddy,

Saturday, July 30, 2005

You got Screwed.

Happy supposed-to-be birthday, kid. You got a bum deal. Sorry about that .

Back in the Getto

Thank you guys for all your support. Seriously. It means a lot.
Now on to Faith. They don't know if anything is wrong at all, now. They think it may be her monitor. Childrens Respitory people hooked her up to all sort of machines for a 7 her study and found nothing. When it showed she stopped breathing her heart rate never went down so they didn't think it was real. We assured them that they were since we would be standing righted there when it would go off(monitor goes off if she hasn't taken a breath in so many seconds). Her monitor went off 10 times yesterday morning back to back. It was enough to freak me and Jamie( SIL) out. We were supposed to go in at 4pm for observation anyway, but I called back and said we were coming in now b/c something was wrong. They agreed that I should. They were worried about her readout from the week before.
Anyways, it turned out to be a wasted trip. Dr said it was the monitor malfunctioning and the Respiratory therapist said it wasn't. And of course her monitor didn't go off when they were doing the 7 hr test. It went off twice afterwards then 4 times on the way home.

I'm glad that we didn't have to stay long this time. We we're in a normal room with a TV and a Couch ( well a bench with cushions, but I'm not picky anymore). Randy and I were both able to stay with her last night. The most unnerving part of it all was when the Residents said they might have to do a spinal tap. I freaked out. Then they told me her head was flat on the sides already. Then I kinda freaked out a little more. I really don't want to go the helmet route again. Then they said her hemoglobin was low and they might have to do a blood transfusion. Then I freaked out a whole lot.
Then our Pediatrician came in this morning and started rippin ass. She was upset that they said anything to me about a spinal tap and about her head being flat. She was WAYYYYY pissed that they came and drew blood this morning when they didn't have orders for it. I heard her on the phone saying
......... " So you just decided to come take more blood from a little baby with a low hemoglobin for the fun of it? I didn't write orders for that!"
She said all the new residents started in July and thats why when she worked in the hospital she'd always take the whole month off.
No blood transfusion, either.
Anyways, long story short. We're home and Faith is fine( we think) She weighed 7 lbs yesterday - her due date.

My parents helped us a ton by keeping Gracie overnight and our friends came and spent time with us last night. It made the time go by faster and kept my mind off the fact we weren't supposed to hold Faith( unless absolutely necessary) while she was hooked up to all the machines. Then they brought us dinner tonight.

Justin and Jenna - You rock.

You guys rock too.

I'm tired.

Annie out

Friday, July 29, 2005

Hospital bound once again.

Faith and I are checking into Childrens Hospital .The readout that they downloaded from her heart monitor came back and she stopped breathing 145 times in 3 weeks. It wasn't for long , but long enough that everyone is all freaked out now and I don't know what to do except just be her Mommy.
I don't know what else to say.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Happy supposed-to-be birthday, kid

July 29th was Faith's due date. Congrats, kid. you've made it 9 weeks and we haven't broke you yet.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Someday I will learn not to screw with things all the time. I will learn that blogger sucks and I suck with computers.

Monday, July 25, 2005


This Is Grace >

This is Faith and Grace. I think I had Twins 2 yrs apart. I'll have to get some better pictures of Faith

Another helpful hint from the Iowa Drunk

When you're drunk and have played " sink the sausage" make sure you remember to put away your KY warming lube. Otherwise your 2 yr old will find it 3 days later when you aren't looking and finger paint on the wall........

8 Weeks

We've come along way in the last 8 weeks.

Song of the day

Thats for you Billy, I love ya.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

A helpful hint...

Faith is still sleeping in our room in a bassinet. We have the baby monitor in there for when we're out of the room...........
When you've had too much to drink, but you still want to 'bump uglies',
make sure you turn the baby monitor off in your bedroom so that
the people that are staying the night in your living room don't hear you knockin the boots

Friday, July 22, 2005

Too much

Ok kids, I'm totally wasted right now.... I I did Shots for K, C, and G tonight( you all now who you are........IU don't need to gpell your name out) You are my bitches an d I love ya..... I'm out.....

Song of th ed ay
7 Mary 3

A little old schoool shit for ya'

Annie out......... and trashed

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Thats Turd-a-rific! - From the mind of a crazy woman

So, as I was changing Faith's shitty little diaper this morning at 5am I thought about making my own cartoon. A spin-off of the Smurfs.
The Turds.
Instead of Smurfette there can be Turddette
Poppa Smurf - Poppa Turd.
Brainy smurf - Turdy Turd
Lazy Smurf - Lazy Turd
Baby Smurf - Baby Turd
Clumsy Smurf - Chunky Turd ( ok ,I know I'm streaching it with that one)
and so on and so on.
Can you change a name?

They could live in little brown huts with corn bits stuck in the walls.

Any takers?



I need to get more sleep. Seriously................

Well, here. Go have Some fun

Songs of the Day
" Just a Little Bit"
50 Cent.

"( I Hate) Everything About You"
Three Day Grace

"BYOB( Bring Your Own Bombs)"
System of The Down

Yes I realize that I have 3 songs today, but I'm the bitch of my blog and I can do what I want.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

This little piggy went to the Dr....

Faith had to go to the Dr this morning. She came home with a heart monitor and it's been going off a lot lately so we just took her in to get her looked at to be on the safe side. We really won't know anything for a few days b/c they had to download all the info from the monitor and I guess it takes a week. BUT she weighed in at 6.7 pounds. HOLY SHIT! She's almost the size of a newborn. It's breaking my heart.....
I know I promised pictures days ago. Like I've said before - I'm lazy.... Tonight - I promise!

Song of the day
"American Baby"
Dave Matthews Band

Monday, July 18, 2005

eh, I don't really know.............

So while we were drinking Friday night in the backyard my SIL, Jamie busted out the sidewalk chalk and let the kids have at it......So did we. In our driveway it very clearly states that: JAMIE SUCKS BIG FAT DONKEY PEE PEE!
Above that and to the right it reads : Annie Licks Kumquat.
and to the left of that there is a picture of boobs ( drawn by Jamie - not me)

So can I tell you how funny it was to take the trash out today and see our elderly neighbor( the one we like) walking and then she came over. As we stood there in the driveway talking she noticed all the " artwork" and asked what it said
I said " Eh... Ummm, I'm not really sure"
Yeah right.
She's probably lighting candles in Churches all over town for us as I type this.
We are never gonna grow up.

Kinda sad really

Song of the Day
"Don't ask me how I know"
Bobby Pinson

** Side note: I had to listen to this song about 500 times in Texas and it kinda grew on me. However there is this part if the song where it says
"Sell your truck while it's still runnin, save the Jesus off the dash"
I thought he was saying " Save the Cheese-its off the dash" not Jesus.
I'm a dumbass...again

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Keepin up Downstairs

I'm not scared to tell you all that while I was pregnant I could not keep up the landscaping "downstairs". Randy had to help me. You know it's love when you're 29 weeks pregnant and you're laying in your bed naked from the waist down having a normal conversation with your husband while he does your "landscaping" 'cause you know they're going to do a pelvic exam in the morning at your Dr's appt and you don't want them to go out into the hall and talk about how hairy your snach is.
Yes I just said snach.

So now that I'm not pregnant anymore I can do my own landscaping.
And I'm very very happy about it.

But here is my issue today - My underwear no longer fits "downtown" properly and I'm rolling them down. Do I go waste money on new ones or wait since I'm on a diet?

Honestly, I don't know why I asked you all that.

I'm going to go buy a few pairs in about 20 minutes. I have to feed a 5 pound red head 1st.

Song of the day:
"Only One" by Yellowcard.

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Team America.... FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
Freedom costs a buck O five.

Not as funny as I thought it would be, but still stupid funny shit.

Last Night:
I had a few "adult beverages"in my driveway with some friends. Then I thought it would be a good idea to try that Mexican place across from the Taco Bell because they were open 24 hrs and they didn't have a line.... and I was craving can't get that at Taco Bell.

A green cloud keeps coming out of my ass.

Lession Learned:
Vodka+Mexican Food = Not so good to walk behind me the next day.

I failed Weight Watchers on my 1st frickin day. I was doing really well until my Dad stopped over and brought Gracie ( very big Grandpa's girl) a happy meal for lunch( LUNCH - I MADE IT TO LUNCH......It was a late lunch - like 1:30). Well they screwed up and put in a McChicken instead of a cheeseburger. Grace wasn't going to eat it..... Enough said.
To make it better the only thing that sounded good for dinner that night was Red Robin. I totally fucked myself.
I guess I'll just start over Monday - I might as well enjoy the weekend.
Maybe we'll go there for lunch tomorrow

So I'm thinking that I'm going to start selling baby gift baskets.... What do you guys think? Some of you hookers are knocked up - what do you think I should put in them? I have a general idea, but I want imput. Maybe I'll comp. you one if you have an outstanding idea......You'll still be a hooker though.

Have I told you guys how much I enjoy saying " My Children"?
I feel like such an adult. Hehehehehehe.

And last but not least............... Randy said he thinks we should stay in the house for another 2 yrs and then we can talk about moving to Texas. WOOOOHOOO! I could never leave Omaha.

Start tearing the old man down
Run past the heather and down to the old road
Start turning the grain into the ground
Roll a new leaf over
In the middle of the night, there's an old man treading around in the gathered rain
Well mister, if you're going to walk on water
Could you drop a line my way?
Somewhere in middle America
Get right to the heart of matters
It's the heart that matters more
I think you better turn your ticket in
And get your money back at the door............

Counting Crows

I've had the song BYOB ( Bring your own bombs) by Sysyem of the Down stuck in my head for almost 2 weeks......

Banana hammocks and glory days

I'm at home tonight. Just me and my girls. Randy went out with the boys. I was suppose to go to a strip club tonight with some friends, but I decided to let Randy go out instead.
To let you all in on a little secret - I HATE male strippers with a passion. Nothing like have a man who is all greased up throw his banana hammock all up in your grill. No thanks. I actually prefer female strippers. Now just to set the record straight , I am all about the sausage- and not the taco. But I find Female strippers less agressive, beautiful, and they aren't grinding their shit into my leg. For my birthday a few yrs ago a bunch of us ( men and women) went to a female strip club and had a frickin blast. We might even do it again sometime.
This afternoon our friends Justin and Jenna came over and Justin invited Randy out to a karaoke bar tonight. I don't think I've ever metioned it on this blog, but Randy, Justin and our friend Brian used to own a Karaoke Company back in the day. Those were our Glory Days. Most of you know that Randy and I were friends for 5 years before we got married. 4 and a half of those yrs were spent in bars.There was a big group of us that would go to whatever bar they had a show at. We were Karaoke Addicted and we thought we were hot shit ( and I was - LOL). It got to be around 5 times a week at one point.
Then Brian started a family and Justin got married.............and the cheese stood alone. Randy still ran everything, but he cut it down to just one bar 2 nights a week. Then I got knocked up and Randy started to think about selling the company. And he did...2 days after Grace was born. And so came the end of those Glory yrs.
We don't go out too much anymore. I asked Randy last night if he missed it. He missed the karaoke, but not the DJ-ing part. Watching all those little bitches trying to take him home got to be fun after awhile. I miss that. So when Justin asked him if he wanted to go today, I saw that look in his eye. I made him go. I hope he has fun.
Maybe I'll get laid tonight.

** I realize that some people find Karaoke stupid and trashy...... To you I say: Lick me

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

9534 posts tied up in a bow

I have a ton to write about and I don't know where to start.

Our Texas drive is really long. I'm talking 15 hours. We usually drive overnight for the most part. On one of our last trips we listened to books on CD and it made the time go by faster. I didn't get a chance to go to the check out any at the local library before we left so we stopped in a little town to buy one. We walked into Walmart at 8:50pm and they closed at 9pm. I felt rushed and they didn't have much selection. I picked what I thought to be a mystery. I was very wrong people. We popped it in about 2 hours later and found out that I'd just blew $20.00 for a "romance novel" on CD. About 20 minutes into it Randy looked at me and said " I swear to God if I hear anything about a purple headed warrior plunging into her womanhood, I'm turning this car around and we're taking it back"

I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself.

There was nothing about a purple headed warrior, but I think I've heard a breast decribed in every way thats possible. My personal fav was "and he lapped up all that her woman opening had to offer." I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over.


As we we're rolling into Texas I noticed that pretty much every house had a Texas Flag out. So I asked Randy why Texas people all about Texas. He explained to me that in the early 1800's Texas was much bigger and it's own country for a while. It all went back to that. He said it was all they taught in history class in the 3rd grade in Texas( his mom was his teacher that yr). I felt like a dumbass. I didn't know. Ooops.

Randy wants to move home to Texas. He's not screwin' around anymore either. We looked at apartments while we were there and applied for jobs.
I don't think it will happen. I don't think I can leave my family. Although, I really liked one of the apartments that we looked at. 2 Story-4 bedroom/2 bath = $630.00. Thats hella cheep, kids.
I do like Texas and the people there are way nice, so I don't know. I'm still thinking no.

What NOT to do

When in Texas do not wear Aussie hair products ( they smell like grape) and Bath and Body works Plumeria body butter and spray. You will smell like a fruit basket and Texas bugs are no joke - They will eat you and not feel bad about it.


I think I gained 10 pounds on vacation. For real. I have to get back on the weight watchers wagon in the morning. At my follow up Dr's appt I had to do some fast talking to get out of being put back in the hospital for a 24 hr observation b/c my BP was still really high. So highI can't be on birth control. The Dr said that if we ever wanted to try to have another baby I weigh 125 pounds and have a way lower BP. SHIT. I've never weighed 125 pounds in my life. I skipped right over that number. I know I'm a fatass, but I didn't think I was that fat. FUCK. Oh well, might as well hop back on the wagon. And no, we aren't planning for another baby ANY time soon.

I have more, but it will have to wait. Randy's in the other room telling that he wants to watch TEAM AMERICA ( from the makers of South Park). I'll let you know how it is. And yes, I have pictures to post of my girls, but it's gonna wait too.

C-ya bitches - I missed you

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Texas Bound

Ok my dear internet, I'm leaving tonight for Texas. Behave and take care. I'll be back on the 13th.

*Faith had a weight check yesterday morning and came in at a whole 5 pounds and 5 ounces*

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

"Sir, you are in a courtroom! You are not at a tea dance."

Have I ever told you guys ho much I love Judge Judy? I love her about as much as I love the dumbass people that come into her courtroom and think that their case is worthy. So far my favorite has been the woman who tried to sue some guy for medical bills she got when she attacked him and he pushed her into a glass table. Turns out she was in a bedroom smokin' weed with some girl who she wanted to move in with her for $25.00 a month. With her 2 yr old in the room. The guy asked her to leave his apartment ( it was a party). Turns out she was there for another party a few weeks before and took a bunch of pills in his bathroom. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't invite her back.


When do you know??????

When do you know when it's time to break up with your friends? I have a about 7 that I'm done with ( Randy is too). I don't want it to be messy I just want to be done. There isn't a connection anymore.

"Hi I know I haven't called you in months but can you help us move?"

"No, kiss my ass."

My MIL and My brother

Randy's mom left to go back to Texas this morning. She came in Tuesday. Now as far as MIL's go - Mine is kick ass. She loves me and has always been supportive. I love her like she's my own mom. She even bought me the new Nicholas Sparks book True Believer because I said I wasn't going to buy it until it came out it paperback and was cheaper. I love that woman. AND SHE TAKES ME OUT FOR BBQ AND RED ROBIN.

We're going to Texas on Thursday so we can see the rest of Randy's family ( I FRICKIN' LOVE TEXAS). If I didn't like my own family so much we would move.

**I think she might think I'm a little crazy after this visit since I made her watch The Family Guy and she knows it my favorite show. Either that or shes praying for me. Really hard...

So guess who decided to come into town over the weekend and surprise everyone? Thats right - my baby brother. I suppose at 24 he hates being called my baby brother( that and we do have a brother younger than him). It was a nice surprise and I cried, of course. He got to see Faith. Seeing him hold a baby is priceless. He's like a fish out of water. I think he even sweats. Then he told everyone how he thinks all babies are ugly. Even his own son. Whata asshat. If he wasn't married to my sister in law I'd kick his ass. He's lucky I love his wife. I love him too, but he's still a asshat.


I dropped out of breastfeeding today. Don't give me any shit either.

When Grace was born at 32 weeks gestation I got very little milk. She ended up being a formula baby and we were ok with that. I tried and it didn't happen. She turned out ok.

So 2 years later here comes Faith at 31 weeks gestation ( See, I do suck at being pregnant) and I did get milk. And it was all a strange science experiment to me. But here is the kicker. My child won't breastfeed. She's still too little. She's tippin the scale at a whole 5 pounds these days. We tried and tried and she won't take the boob. AT ALL. So for the last 5 weeks I've been pumping and putting it into bottles. And my milk supply has been going down. We started supplementing
with formula over the weekend. Half breastmilk and half formula. I still have a freezer full of breastmilk.

I've been puming and getting about 15 cc. I can spit more than that in one shot. So after talking to my Mom, MIL and the lactation people for the last few days I decided I quit. I'm making myself miserable and feeling like a bad mom and a failure. So I'm done. I called my mommy and she came and took the pump back for me.

Thats all.

And the other thing is..............

Since I've gotten 5 emails asking what the other thing is that I'm scared of and K even asked I'll fes up - The Living Dead.

Ok there I said it.

It all started when I was little and that movie Night of the Comet came out.
Then Dawn of the Dead came out last year.
I was not even 10 minutes out of the movie before I was done figuring out how I would "dead proof" my house.

I know I'm crazy.
I told you it was stupid.

I can't wait to go see Land of the Dead.