Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Crackheads are like cockroaches......

At least in my neck of the woods they are.
When I get home at night (12:30am-ish) We go sit outside and watch the crackheads ride by on their bikes.
No, I'm not kidding.
They really are crackheads and their out looking for a fix.
Or delivering the drugs - I can't decide
For real ("FO SHIZZLE").
I've been trying my best to work out when I can.
Really, I have.
Don't fucking look at me like that......Anyway.
So, last night after the girls went to bed I told Randy I was going on a walk.

Randy: In the dark?!?!?
Randy: With all the crackheads out? I don't think so.
Me: Would you rather I went in the morning?
Randy: Ummm YEAH!

Needless to say, I didn't go walking this morning cause I passed out on the couch while watching Family Guy last night and I didn't set the alarm when Randy woke me up to go to bed.

I did go on a walk earlier last night with the girls, but how fast can you walk with a 2 yr old and a baby strapped to you in a snuggly?
Not very

I like to steal things from Mel...........

Artificial Networked Nocturnal Infiltration Entity


One of my peeps asked what my favorite song is.
I don't have one.
That's impossible.
So here's ONE of my Fav's.
It was never released

I forget when the words were only words
She knows the party makes me nervous
In this stage we can't get hurt
Don't try to understand me
We're too cool to be alone
But, not too crazy to get busted
I found out one life just ain't enough
I need another soul to feed on

I'm the flame I can't get burnt
I'm wholly understated

I found silence in this space
An on and off again attraction
I need such amazing grace
Heaven sweep me away

Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we've become, well
They've never been the people who we are

I strap on one horse and prayed for luck
I dug another hole to bleed
I know exactly how this works
I need a new feel dirty
I don't need you crowding up my space
I just want to get inside you

You can't believe the heart you save
Giving something away


I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the buildings all fell down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
In my head I heard the sound
Like fifteen strangers dancing
But oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I wish I was somebody else, baby
Oh how I wish you could own me

One of my fav's.
There you go.
Who else has a question?
Bring it........

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

13 weeks

This is were I talk about shooting babies out of your Cha-cha

One of my good friends is having a hard time deciding if she's going to do try for a VBAC in a few months. And honestly, I have no idea what to tell her.
I will say that I was never able to go that route. As my friend, Carmen says, " I have the pelvis of an 11 yr old boy".
There was nothing coming out "that way".
And honestly, I was relieved.
I hear it's a whole different sensation coming out than it is going in.
My 1st c-section was a MO-FO breeze. For shizzle.
Well, not the actual surgery - that part sucked my ass.
I felt everything, but they had to get Grace out.
Recovery was a cake walk
No daddy stitch needed.

With Grace I was induced due to 900 different reason related
to pre-eclampsia.
I had water around my heart and lungs.
BP was 210/120
They were afraid I was going to stroke out.
Of course, no one told me anything.
I couldn't figure out why no one would go home.
They told me the day after I came home what had happened.

I was induced Friday morning and nothing happened.
Saturday I was given all sorts of "fun things"( FYI- things shoved up my cho-cha) to help the process along.
Still, nothing happened.
Sunday morning they broke my water and the real party started.
Keep in mind that I was only 32 weeks along and hadn't taken the labor classes yet.
They started the following week.

I remember laying there and our friend, Brian, was helping me breathe.
He said " You might want to ask for your epidural now cause it isn't going to get any better"
My epidural was a piece of shit.
Long story short - I only dilated to 3 and the nurse said
" There's either a hand or the cord in the birth canal. I can't tell"
That was around 10pm
Grace was born @ 1032pm via c-section

Emma was still small enough that when we lost her I had a D&C (after a week of waiting for my body to go into labor on it's own).

With Faith I had HELLP. The Dr didn't play around either. My platelets dropped to were they either needed to take her then or they would loose us both.
No laboring at all.
Thats where I got screwed.
She was high up too.
Recovery sucked.
Now, keep in mind that she was a 31 weeker and it sucked so bad cause they had to fish around for her.
And push.
And pull.

Anyway, back to K.
Her 1st C-section wasn't fun and she had issues for weeks.
But there are risks with a VBAC as well.

Either way - the kid has to get out somehow.

Why can't men have the babies?

Why can't there really be a Stork?

" I love you Like a fat kid loves cake"

This video thing is AWESOME! Love it!
Only problem is that I'm like a fat girl in a candy, wait.
Well, you know what I mean.
I could change the video every hour.
This song has been stuck in my head today
Here's some Kanya West for all of you.
"Jesus Walks"

LOVE this song......

Monday, August 29, 2005

Whata idiot

I was watching something on E! tonight and they interviewed Aaron Carter at the VMA's last night. That kid is the biggest douche around.
They were talking about the Shug Knight shooting and he said he was around the hotel when it happened and it was "crazy-mad"

Um, he was at a hotel across the street.
He wasn't at the party cause everyone knows he a no talent, rididng the fame train from his brother, douche

He bothers the shit outta me.

Anyways, how was everyone's weekend?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Slim in 6 sucks my assHOLE

Ok, So I'm supposed to be doing the slim in 6 program right now. I can handle the exercize part. That sucks, but I can hang.
What I CAN NOT do is the eating part for 2 days. You're supposed to only drink juice. Fresh juice. I bought some V8 berry splash instead. Leave it to me to do it the lazy way.

Needless to say, I had 2 Healthy Choice dinners today.
I don't feel bad about it either.

Then I spent all afternoon watching The Girls Next Door.
Talk about feeling like a fatass after a few hours of that.

Sometimes I just wanna say "Fuck it" and go to Red Robin.
Their BLTA has been calling my name for over a month.

Willpower is a bitch

If Only.........

I'm the kinda girl who can look at another woman and think " Oh wow, she's gotta nice rack".
I'll even point them out to my husband. I'm not proud.
If I could look like could have a body like anyone in the whole wide world it would be Shakira.
She's gorgous.
She's not a bean pole
And she has Abs to die for

I feel the same way about Pink.
And I swear it has nothing to do with being engaged to Cary Hart.


Saturday, August 27, 2005

Let me just say..........

When I do a email spotlight it's something that I FIND FUNNY. I don't research it to find out if it's true or not. And really- I don't care. IT'S FUNNY.
So don't send me a link that says it's not true AND then not say anything else. I find that rude.

It's MY BLOGG, Sunshine.
If you don't like what I write then don't f-ing read it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I'm done now.

Can you all tell the Period Fairy is in town?

*You have all just witnessed what has been called a VERY mild case of " The Hackenberg Temper"

Thanks for tuning in.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Email Spotlight

Yet another email I got. I'm not saying I agree with all of it, but at least it's kinda funny.

Even if he's nuts, leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan.
What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace.

So, here's one plan."
1.) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys,' We will never interfere" again.
2.) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3.) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are . They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4.) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!!!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5.) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6.) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7.) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8.) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9.) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10.) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH.. .learn it...or LEAVE.....
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You wanta piece of me?' "

Cause I'm the Shit, baby!

So, I broke down and weighed myself last night. I had Faith in her snuggly-thingy, so I was wearing her too. I came in 4 pounds over what I did last time and I wasn't wearing the kid then. Soooooo, I'm thinking that's around 6 pounds.

I'm breaking down and starting the Slim in 6 thing tomorrow because I need some serious toning. Muscles? What are those?
I'll just TRY not to drink a ton of Liquor.

Then again, my baby brother is coming back in the country in the middle of September...........

Oh well.

I ALSO bought some X-mas presents yesterday.

I am the shit - bow to me.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Mary Madeline Project

This has been one of my sidebar links for a while, but In case you haven't looked at it before -
Here you go.
My Aunt is one of the founders.

Just so you know...

I've gotten a few email asking if I was still doing WW and how it's going.

Yes, I am still doing it, but I choose not to talk about it here because it is a dark, sad, depressing issued in my life.

So Yes, I am still doing it. I didn't do the meetings -I have all the stuff from before. I do not weight myself, because all that does is drive me fucking crazy.

I haven't eaten at Red Robin in over a MONTH.
Thats right - A MONTH, PEOPLE!

After my B-day I'm also incorporating the slim in 6 program in with my WW. I spent over $100.00 on that bastard 2 yrs ago and then got knocked up.
I have to wait b/c you aren't allowed ANY liquor on that program and I plan on drinkin' it up for my birthday on the 13th.

Now you know

More Letters

Dear Emma,
I just want you to know that I think of you all the time. I know that you're doing well in heaven and keeping your Pa on his toes. We're doing good on this end too. Your sisters keep us busy.
I was talking to Sandi a few weeks ago and she said that she thought that when she got pregnant again she wouldn't think about the baby that she lost. That's not the way it works. I thought about you all though my pregnancy with Faith. I think that it's more than a coincidence that your due date was the 1st time we saw Faith's little heartbeat on that same screen where we learned your heart had stopped a few months before. And although Faith was 9 weeks early, she was born exactly a year from when we lost you. It's funny how it all works out. I read once that when a baby dies before it should that it's a lost soul and just needs to be loved and wanted before it goes to heaven. You were every much loved and wanted. That helps me a little.
Know that we still love you more than life and we will always miss you. I don't try to make sense out of God's plan, but I that there must be a reason.
I love you,

Dear Grace,
My oldest daughter, you test me everyday and keep me on my toes, but I love you with everything I am. You are my mini-me in every way. Even a smartass. I'm doing the best I can so forgive me if I screw up along the way. This Mommy thing is harder than I thought it would be. When I tell you no it's for a good reason, remember that. I'll even forgive you for grinding my favorite lipstick into the cream colored carpet this morning.
I love you,

Dear Faith,
My baby, you are almost 13 weeks old. I watched you grow so much over that time that I can't help but cry when I see how well you're doing. You are my last baby, so forgive me if I hold or kiss you too much. I can't help it. Once you get a little older you'll be able to get away from me just like Grace does. It won't hurt my feelings, but for now you are mine. I'm sorry that I like to play dress-up with you so much. Again, your sister will teach you how to put an end to that in a yr or so. Thank you for coming to us. Eventhough you were early, you were right on time.
I love you,

Dear Asshats at NickJr.& Noggin,
Knock it off. You know what I'm talking about.
The pissed off Woman in Iowa

Another email I got.

I am Thankful :


















I gotta new man

I came home from work last night in a pissy mood. I think it's about time for the period fairy to pay a visit. I know you all wanted to know that and you're welcome.
Anyway, I came home and found that I got a present in the mail. FROM A CUTE BOY. I was so excited- it really made my night. This adorable boy drew me a picture. His Mommy said it was an abstract representation of life spiraling out of control, eventually becoming an unrecognizable mess of chaos that continues until we die - Or a kitty cat.

Either way, I love it

Thank you,O.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The adult won AGAIN

Yesterday was shitty. Around 11am Faith's heart monitor kept going off. It said her BPM was 264 - Close to a baby heart attack. So of course I freak out and call the Dr's office and they say to bring her in right away. They also said she would probably get admitted into Children's again. So, I hurry and call into work, call my mom and Randy, and take off.

Long story short - Her monitor is a piece of shit and I can't wait until it's gone. She's fine. All 8 pounds and 14 ounces of her- just a little over newborn size. Yippy!!!

AND it wasn't her regular Dr. It was a 29 yr old HOTTIE. When we were leaving, Randy said he was really nice. I said " Yeah, nice looking!"
He asked if I was going to start taking the kids to the Dr's office more now(Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy).
Nah, I hate the co-pay. Even if Dr. Hottie is GORGEOUS and SINGLE.

So, on my way home I called work and told them I would be in. Now if I wasn't mature I would have just said fuck it and spent the night at home . But I didn't.

Have I mentioned I hate being an adult?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

"That's not a very Christian Thing to do!"

When I was younger we lived in a highly religious neighborhood. Good ol' 81st avenue Circle. Anyways, there was a highly annoying family that lived 2 houses away. They had a little girl, Sarah, that always liked to tag along. No matter what we (all the neighborhood kids) were doing ( even if we weren't getting into trouble) Sarah would go and tell on us. Then her highly religious/crazy mother would come out and yell at us. EVEN IF WE WERE JUST PLAYING ON OUR SWINGSET. Looking back at it I realize she was a very unhappy woman, but that's not the point right now.

Finally, we started ignoring Sarah because we were tired of her and her mom. We all refused to speak to her. Then one day she decided to stand there and scream
"That's not a very Christian thing to do!!"
" You're not being good Christians!!!"over and over. I'm talking like 15 minutes.

We never did end up getting along with her or her family and then we moved.
So, I was laying in bed last night telling Randy about Courtney Love and guess what popped in my head?
" You're not being a good Christian- That's not a very Christian thing to do!"

So now I feel bad about talking about Courtney Love.

Internet, I apologize.
Even if she is a crazy skankbag ho.
It's not nice if me to make fun of her

Then again, my last name IS Chriatian and I am very good at that.................

Monday, August 22, 2005

Well, Color my happy ass surprised....

Hmmmm......... Weren't we just talking about what a wack job Courtney Love is? Surprise, SURPRISE!!

Pregnant and all.

And now I know............

Ok, so exactly how illegal is it to sell a 2 yr old on eBay?

I mean, are we talking 1-2 yrs in the big house or a fine and a slap on the wrist?

Because seriously, my 2 yr old is testing me. Her most FAVORITE thing in the whole wide world to do the last month, is to take HUGE sips off her sippy cup......Then spit it out all over the carpet, the cat, the entertainment center, OR her sister. I have no idea what to do with her. Time out doesn't work. She'll scream and kick her bedroom door and rip wallpaper off the wall. We'll take away her Macy, the monkey that she loves above anything else. That just makes her scream and kick even more.

Today, after already being in time out twice for spitting, I caught her spitting out milk on the carpet. Then I watch as her kitten went and tried to eat the carpet.

I know know why some animals eat their young.

And I understand.

Another good form of Birth Control- A 2 yr old

THEN as I was getting ready for work Randy told her to get out of the bathroom. She literally got right outside the door and sat down.

Have I mentioned how screwed I am when she becomes a teenager?

12 Weeks

Resting on Daddy.

By the way, Randy has also jumped on the blogging band wagon too.

I, however, am far more interesting.

Never was a Princess

How was everyone's weekend? As I mentioned before, I stayed home for most of it. I watched a lot of TV. MTV's TTrailer Fabulous is now one of my new favorite shows along with Showtime's WEEDS. I needed a few new shows since I had to say good-bye to Queer as Foke and Six Feet Under ( does anybody else wonder if Maggie got pregnant?).
So in between loads of laundry and dishes I watched MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen( yes I know I watch a hellva lota MTV for someone who going to be 27).
And it left me thinking" WHAT THE FUCK?????!"
These girls need a serious reality check.
My daughters will not grow up like that.
I was never a princess and they won't be either.

Let me explain:
I learned that if you want something you have to work for it.
When I was 14 I made the Varsity Cheerleading squad. I worked FULL- TIME that summer ($4.75 an hour) as a file clerk to pay for my uniform and camp.

I was given a car at 16. I then recked it. I then paid for it. And paid for every car I got after that. I always paid for gas and insurance on my own. I worked at BK all though HS (Would you like frys with that?). I also wasn't allowed to drive with my friends in the car until the end of my Sr. yr.( my Dad's fear of me getting distracted).

I paid for MOST of my own clothes and never asked for money to go out with.

All my spoiling came from my grandparents.

Not that my parents were poor. They built a very large, beautiful home when I was in Jr High. I like to think it help build character. Both of my brothers and I know that if we want something you have to work for it. There are no hand outs in the real world.

My brother and SIL are getting ready to build a HUGE house. Twice the size of ours. It's hard not to let the "little green monster" get to me. But the way I see it is that they have made sacifices to get where they are. My SIL has had to be a single parent for 3 yrs and been a full time student. My brother has busted his ass off to make the money he does and live overseas in a shithole with no TV and no alcohol . Not to mention missing his son growing up. So they deserve this house. They aren't shoving money in everyone's face and saying "Look what we got". They made sacrifice upon sacrifice. Am I am more than happy to see them do well. Am I upset that our plan of living next door to each other is out the window? Yes, but I'll get over it ( you bastards!!)

So, I'm left wondering what these girls on this show are going to do in the real world? Are they going to live off mommy& daddy's money forever? Even then you won't get very far treating people the way they do.
It is entertaining, though.

It's hard to say that my kids won't be spoiled. Due to reasons I'll go into another time - we are not having anymore children :o( So it's just the girls.

My girls will know to respect EVERYONE - regardless or age, race or social ranking. Grace is very good with her pleases and thank you's. And she's even started saying " Yes ma'am" and "Yes Sir"

Do I think I'm too tough? Yes and no. This being a parent thing is hard work and we do the best we can. I don't want them to be brats. It's a tough call. As a parent I want to give my kids the world, but I don't want them to be snots and act like the world owes them.

I guess I'll just keep learning as I go.

* I will say that my parents do spoil us now - just a few weeks ago my Dad bought us new garbage cans and they did buy us a snowblower for Randy's B-day.
When we bought our house they paid to have some trees cut down and my grandpa bought us a lawnmower.

Randy's mom lent us money when Grace was born since I was so sick and unable to work for 6 months.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Adult in me won again...Bitch.

After I posted yesterday I realized that I was really tired. And since I don't have a normal job, I don't have every weekend off. Long story short - Instead of boozin' it up last night I used that money to go out to dinner with my husband and our children. Then we went to the grocery store, and came home and watched a movie and went to bed.
The Adult in me won again.
She's a bitch.

Tonight, Randy is going out with his friends and the girls and I are going to have out own party. After they go to bed I'm going to watch Diary of a mad Black Woman and pass out too.

Now, who says I'm not mature?

Friday, August 19, 2005

Funny Shit Friday.

In light of my boozing it up tonight I give you a story:

When I was 22 I was a drinker. Actually, until I was 24 I was a drinker. By that I mean drinking at least twice a week. Anyway, when I was 22 I was rented a house with my cousin. It was really small and my bedroom was in the basement. If I shut my door I could see nothing- pitch black. I also had a collection a kids meal toys like you wouldn't believe. I had a ledge that went all around my room where I had the toys ( which back then I called my treasures) displayed.
One Friday night we ( my friend Derek and I - who was my boyfriend at the time) bought a bottle of Captain Morgan and partied at home with my 2 cousins. I was SUPER drunk by 11pm and went to my room and passed out while everyone else kept drinkin' it up. About 30 minutes later I had a bad dream-Derek had locked me out of my house and told me he didn't like me anymore. I woke up upset and still VERY drunk VERY pissed and I had to piss. I was so drunk I couldn't find my way out of my room and knocked over every single thing that I could....Kids meal toys from the last 6 years were everywhere...Then I pulled my pants down and pissed on the floor.

Hey I had to go and couldn't find the door.

Finally, as I pulled my pants up and found the bed again, Derek and my cousin came in. They thought the house was caving in. They looked at my room trashed and asked what happened. I told them I had a bad dream and couldn't find my way out of my room. I also said I spilled a glass of water on the floor.

I never admitted that until now.

I glad we don't live there anymore.

My theme for the night
Brad Pasley
I'll be at Stu's tonight. It's in the strip mall behind BK on 90th( same parking lot as Dollar Tree)


Although I call you all bitches, and don't get me wrong, you are, I also know you are good people. Please go check out this site and help if you can.

Also I'm thinking that maybe if anyone has any little girl clothes we could send let me know. I know I have a ton of stuff I can send. They have a Amazon wish list, but we all know we can get things cheep at Wally World(Walmart).

My dear readers,
I have never asked you for anything before. I know money is tight with everyone- believe me I know, but I really want us help if we can. If anything please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
I love you Bitches,

Thursday, August 18, 2005

" She was running around like a drunk prom date telling everyone she loved them and crying..."

There is something very wrong with me. Today I cried while watching House Arrest. The ending made me bawl. It's like the 5th time I've seen it. Don't judge me - there was nothing else on

I also cried at a Chase Bank commercial - The Wedding one that last 2 whole minutes.

Then I cried at Oprah.


This guy was almost killed in a plane crash and he met the guy that saved him for the 1st time.

I disgust myself

Thank God that tomorrow is Friday and I'm going out to booze it up


A Few bad eggs ruin it for everyone.

Fucking Spamers. I've been getting hit 7 times a post, so now you have to do letter verification to post. Sorry kids.

What Assholes

For the Love of........

Somedays I think that God likes to screw with me. I just found out the Dora the Explorer AKA

Satan - is expanding.

Because the cartoon world needs another child running around the jungle by themselves.
Really, they do.

What did I do to deserve this?

Dear God,
Ok. Seriously, I'm drawing the line. I totally thought we were even after you gave me daughters. Do you remember what kind of kid I was? Then to top it off, you gave me redheaded daughters. I love them more than life- Don't get me wrong. But I know in about 12 years I'm in for a TON of problems. The 2 year old is already a troublemaker.
So, could you please give me a break and stop with Dora?

For the love of, umm, yourself, I beg you - PLEASE! No more.
Much love, as always,
The crazy, ugly girl in the 3rd row

Still A Nerd

When I was in HS my BF's name was Adam. And we liked to fight. I was addicted to the drama. Anyways, there was this song "Reno"
" You know the Lady's a lot like Reno......."
My Friends and I used to change "Lady" to Adam.
We we're nerds.

So, I heard that song today and without even thinking about it, our "special" version came out of my mouth without even thinking about it.

8 yrs later.

Still a nerd.

Feed the Skinny

"Those who can not do, teach". In my case it's "Those who can not eat, bake to feed all those damn skinny people that surround my every fucking day".

You Assholes.

I've got another 2 dozen cookies,some brownies, and some cinnamon bread coming your way.

I loath you all ( Jamie, Bill, Randy, Nancy, boys at work)


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

More Random Shit

I'm happy to announce that my baby brother now has a blog.

Jamie has posted pictures so you can see how cute the rest of my family is

My Mom is now rockin' a picture of me, her ugly child, on her desk at work ( Only after months of heartache and whinin)

I've come to believe that Fetal Dopplers are the Devil ( next to Britney) And no, I AM NOT PREGNANT. Jesus, how could you even think that? My baby is only 11 weeks old. I'm just saying.........

I NEED this......comeon people - only a few weeks before my birthday.
I'm totally kidding.

I also need this.. Once my brother and I were talking about putting up a play house in the back yard for my daughter. Then I told him that it was a bad idea b/c we'd have a homeless midget living in it before the end of the week. He looked at all wide-eyed and said " Dude, you got a midget around here?!"
Not very PC, but it was funny as hell.

My mom would kill me for this

Has anyone noticed that I LOVE to plot things to get a reaction from my mother?

Good ol' Tommy Lee

So last night Randy, Jamie and I sat down and watched Tommy Lee Goes To College.
At one point Jamie looked at me and said
" Did you see that he's wearing Capri pants? I suppose he doesn't care what people think of him - He's Tommy Lee"

Randy pipes up from the corner and says
" Well, I can't wear them because my wife thinks I'm gay"

AND shoots me a dirty look.

Yeah, I'm still in big trouble.

I have A LOT of making up to do.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Roast of Pamela

I watched the Roast of Pamela Anderson over the weekend. Not really because of her, but because I knew Tommy would be there. Like I said - I go for the bad boys ( said the girl with no tattoos). Anyways, Tommy did a song off his upcoming album and it was pretty kick ass. They flashed to Pam once during it and she was acting like she was singing along and didn't know the words. That was some funny shit. Then there was Courtney Love. I CAN NOT BELIEVE that thing still has custody of Kurt Cobaine's child. She kept saying she was off the heroin, but I would have never guessed it. I'm glad see I'm not the only one who thought that.

Crazy Skank.

An incredibly funny post where I talk about gay porn.-DON'T read this if you're easily offended.

Before I tell you this story there are some things you need to know.

. I have a distant family member who got married and had a baby, but he was gay and never told anyone. Gave his wife AIDS.

Randy and I used to watch Queer as Foke every Sunday....Religiously.

Randy's 2 best friends, Justin and Brian, used to tell him he was "a gay man's wet dream"

I do support gay marriage.

Ok, got it? Ready?

I took those pic's of the girls and their room yesterday. Our internet was screwing up all day and I couldn't get on to blogger. So I figured I'd just put them on picasa and try to post them that way. All pic's put on the computer go into Randy's folders. So when it asked me if I wanted all files to show I said yes. So the pic's opened up and so did a bunch of music........ And porn. GAY PORN......From Randy's Files. I freaked out ( See FYI #1) I started thinking " Dear Lord I turned another one." I thought back to 2 weeks ago when we had a BBQ. It happened to be on the same night as the Queer as Foke series finale. We invited people that we knew wouldn't want to watch it. Then Randy said " I don't care what they say. They're gonna suck it up and watch it because it's the last episode and I AM NOT GOING TO MISS IT."

It was all coming back to me.
My husband was gay. Now, I support gay marriage, but I didn't say I wanted to be in one.

I started hyperventilating and crying.

I call Randy's cell - no answer

I call his work phone - no answer.

Finally he called back and I'm still crying
" You need to get home now!"

He was already on his way.

I didn't want to tell him what I found b/c I didn't want him to have a chance to make up a story.

Have I mentioned I was hypervintalating?
I kept thinking " So this is what he does at night when I'm at work......"

Randy walks in. I tell him to go kiss his girls 1st. He comes over to me and I'm still crying.
And hyperventilating.

Remember that distant relative I told you about? I thought that was the shit that was about to go down with us. He's gay and tried to put on a show and I just busted him out.

"Tell me what the FUCK this is!!!"

Yeah, I'm an idiot.

Randy said
"Honey, remember after Grace was born and Matt( a guy in a computer class that he taking at the time who BTW I almost went to Prom with my Sr. yr AND has a girlfriend) and I switched hardrives to copy eachothers music? This must have come with it. He said there was porn in there somewhere. I didn't know it was gay porn. I haven't looked at it"

I checked the dates.

It came in with the music files. And the music was shit and Randy never went through it b/c it wasn't anything he wanted to listen to. I remember having that conversation.

He was telling the truth.
I stopped hyperventalating.

Later last night after I calmed down and no longer thought my husband was gay, he looked at me and said
" I can't believe you thought I was gay................"

He's still really offened.

Then I thought, yeah - he'd probably dress better if he was gay.He's never ummmm, how do I put this, eh, tried to do anything while we're playing "sink the sasuage" that would have indicated he, eh, well would be gay. We mave a very healthy and AMAZING bedroom life. And he does seem to like the snach.

A lot.

I'm an idiot.
Who said your family can't fuck you up?

Now scroll down and look at my BEAUTIFUL daughters.

This is what happened when my 2 yr old went on strike

Someone was mad that they were in time out for hitting the cat. She showed us.
I left a pen on top of the dresser after filling out some of Faith's memory book. The sidewalk chalk - well we have no idea where she was hiding that one

Have I mentioned that this room is ALL NEW? Randy and My MIL painted it while I was in the hospital. My mom and my sister put up the border while we were in Texas. Then my mom made the Tinkerbell valances for the windows and matching blankets.

Lord give me strength....................................

11 Weeks

It was just miricle that Faith happened to smile as I took this. AND FYI - her ears don't really stick out like that - it's b/c of the headband :o)

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Random and ridicules shit from the crazy ugly girl in the 3rd row....

I found this ( this is the whole site - very cool) and laughed my ass off. I can relate. Except it wasn't the Suicidegirls I was writing fan mail to- it was NKOTB. Don't give me any shit either. Donnie really does it for me- makes my "special spot" tingle.
* I hope by now you all know me well enough to know I'm really kidding. However, I was in love with Donnie in the 4th-6th grade. 7th grade was his brother, Mark. Yummmmmmy.
I have a thing for the bad boys

I getting this shirt for me and two of this one so Randy and I can wear them out together and match. Hey Jamie and Bill - do you guys want one too? We can wear then to Mom&Dad's house(hehehehehehehe)!!!!!!!!!

I'm working part time back at my Hospice job. My Mom also works there for a different nursind dept. I was in over the weekend and I noticed that my mom still doesn't have a picture of me on her desk. Just my 2 brothers. I pointed this out to her over a month ago.So I left her a note that said:
Dear Mom,
I see you still don't have a picture of me on your desk. I never was a pretty girl, was I? Well, I still love you anyway, even if you don't love me.
Love, Your ugly child.

I'm expecting a call in the morning

I was waiting in anticipation all week to find this

This site is
strange, yet funny.

This is disturbing

And this shit
right here takes the cake. I about fell out of my chair laughing when I read this. I would have sucked as a wife in 1955.

If you do some of
these things you might feel better about life at work.

Would you like fries with that?

Have a Good day!
Click ME

Saturday, August 13, 2005

A Case of the EX

After all the talk about the men I hoped to dream of I ended dreaming of my Ex.


It wasn't like the Lazy Town dream a few days ago. In this dream he had just broke up with my co-worker and we went over to his house so she could yell at him.

It was all very strange.

Whats the strangest thing of all - I dream about him at least once a month. WTF?????
We dated from the time I was 18 until I was 22. We were even engaged. But you know how the story goes - things change, people change, feelings change. I supposed it didn't help that he was 7 yrs older than me. When we ended up being done for good I was devastated.
It wasn't really on a good note, but what break-up is?
He was all I knew. I couldn't see my life without him, but at the same time I couldn't see us building a life together. We were just to different.
Life got pretty rough there for a while. His new girlfriend moved in right away and within months and then they got married.

But I ended up where I supposed to be.
And for that I will always be thankful. But why the hell do I dream about him? It's not like I'm in love with him anymore. Has anyone else ever had that happen?

I don't get it.

So L, wherever you are I hope your life is good and I wish you the best.
Thanks for everything.

Song of the day:
Gwen Stefani

Jumping on the Bandwagon

Googlism for: annie
annie is the muffin girl
annie is open and ready increased sex drive
annie is here
annie is only 16
annie is a year old sheltie
annie is open and ready hot
annie is a sexy beast
annie is back
annie is open and ready ridin her on all 4x4's
annie is a gifted
annie is this week's featured artist on sonicgarden
annie is designed to be a portable ie system
annie is the most popular
annie is safe and sound and back with her "family" due to a combination of bad timing and bad luck
annie is not an exception
annie is an exhibitionist
annie is 20 inches and made from tea stained muslin
annie is currently recording a solo album
annie is keen
annie is the former lead vocalist for ghost of a god and toured both the united states and europe with the group
annie is now one of the best steamers on the line as it has had a brick arch squeezed into the tiny firebox

I didn't think about it until now, but I go by My middle name

Francine is my 1st name.

Om well.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Lets talk about Chad and Rob

If you guys are the ones putting things in my head and making me have dreams then can we PLEASE talk about Chad Kroger from Nickleback or my future Babies Daddy, Rob.

We all know how much I love Rob. I mean, who wouldn't? I've been in love with him since the 1st time I saw Push on MTV.

Then there is Chad. In a weird way he kinda looks like Randy with longer, blond hair. I don't know. Maybe...........

Anyways, let the subliminal suggestion begin.

Baby Ella

Our friends Randy and Sandi, gave birth to their 1st daughter this morning.
She's beautiful.........


After all of yesterdays talk of Lazy Town and Sportacus, I had a dream last night....................And no the kinda dream I'm happy about either.



All of YOU are going to hell for putting it in my head..............
Know what I wore yesterday? Pre-pregnancy jeans!!!!
I didn't say they fit well, but hey, at least they buttoned!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

As Requested.........

The newest picture of Faith. Batteries are dead in the camera. More soon to come.................

An Actual Email I got this morning.....

Today is the international day for the mentally disabled.Please send an encouraging message to a mentally retarded friend--as I have just done for you. Just thought I'd let your retarded ass know I don't mind being friends with you. I don't care if you lick windows or even if you wear a football helmet to work. It doesn't bother me that you wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. All I ask is that when we go to the club, you drive so we can park up front. You hang in there because you are doing great! You are special, so keep trying! Have a great day! Your friend Always!

Just so you all know I DO NOT wear my underwear on the outside of my pants in public. Only at home.

I don't wanna grow up I'm a Toys R Us Kid

I was bored one night last week while I was waiting for Faith to wake up and eat for the 700th time that day, so I made my wishlist at Froogle. Normal People would not guess by seeing this list that I'll be 27 in a month. Like I've said : With age maturity does not come.


Can I tell you how bummed I am that ABC is taking their sweet time trying to decide what they're going to do with this.
Just let it air already, damnit!

Hormones, it whats for breakfast.

Ok, my baby is now 10 weeks old( although still the size of a newborn) so would some tell me why my hormones are out of wack again?!?!?! It's not like I'm breastfeeding anymore.
I was fine for a month of so then I freaked out again last night.
Over nothing.
Well, nothing new, anyways.
It's good for my husband to have his ass ripped every now and then.

Randy- the other white meat.

Have I ever mentioned.........?

............I hate Dora the Fucking Explorer. Not so much Dora as I hate Boots. I seriously try to make logic out of it.
" Why the hell would her parents let her hang out with a monkey all the time? I'm sooooo sure I'd let my 5 yr go wandering around in a forest/jungle with a monkey that has a nack for getting her into shit."

I need help.

Now thanks to Noggin I get to watch Dora like 6 times a day. Thats not counting the DVD's we have.

HOWEVER, Dora will never be as bad as Lazy Town.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

For your viewing pleasure.............

The Girls at the zoo over the weekend

"He said you're really an ugly girl, but I like the way you play....And I died"

A few months before Randy and I got married I felt really ugly. I don't know why. I've never been the kinda girl that when someone walks into a room they're like " Wow. That girl is a knock out."
I've always been the funny girl who's personality makes her cute.

So I was feeling really down one night and I asked Randy
" Are you sure you want to marry me? Are you sure you don't want a pretty girl?"
This is at a time when he was still a DJ and girls were trying to pick him up all the time. I even heard a " Can you believe he's with her" conversation once. Talk about feeling bad after that....Anyways

A little history lesson: Randy and I dated once a few months after we met. He then met this really pretty girl who looked a lot like Tara Reid ( not the drunk Tara - the pretty Tera, you know, like when she 1st gets to the party, not at the end of the night Tara, with boobies all poppin out and makeup running down her face). He ditched me for her. I took it because she was a pretty girl and I was just, well, me.
Thank god I was still in love with him after that. Anyways..............

After I asked him that he just looked at me.
"Honey, I don't want a pretty girl. I want you..........."

Yeah, he said that in his outside voice.

I just looked at him.

I sat in silence for a good 10 minutes then I cracked and started crying.

My sweet Randy had no idea what he had said wrong.
He's a simple man, my husband.

Once I repeated what he said he turned pale.
" You know what I ment, honey. I love you. You are a pretty girl. I don't want one of the club kids. I want you."

And so that was that.

However I still like to give him shit.
I'm a petty bitch - ask my friends.

Song of the day:
Precious Things
Tori Amos

And that's how I feel about that/ Steppin off the soapbox.

It's a sad sorry situation when people that love one another can not get married in this county because it's a "a scared bond/institute shared between a man and a woman" I guess I missed how sacred it was while the fucking country was watching how to marring a millionaire for money.

Live and let live.

Why does everyone have to be the judge of everyone else?
Let God judge and let people live there lives.
The government can not determine what makes a family.

Steppin off the soapbox now, excuse me.

Monday, August 08, 2005

I'm losing it.

I don't own a scale. There is a good reason - I drive myself crazy weighing myself all the time. So, now that I'm doing WW again I only weigh myself when I'm at the grocery store. They have one of those scales that gives you the print out and tells you how many calories you need and what your ideal weight is.
So I weighed myself and I lost like 8 pounds(Please don't make a big deal out of it - I have a lot more to go and this is just the beginning).

Randy was standing right there and as soon as I stepped off the stupid thing he started hugging me and saying " Good job, honey. Way to go" while patting my back. Sound familiar?
It sounds like potty training talk to me.

I said"Jesus, Randy I didn't learn to piss in the toilet. I just lost a little weight"

The lady behind me laughed so hard she had to sit down.

I'm glad people find me amusing.
Someday I'm going to be a stand up Comic.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

sunday Sunday SUNDAY

We went to the zoo today. My fav was the huge cracked out goldfish that we were able to feed. These fuckers were massive and were jumping all over the place.

There was also this monkey of some sort that was stealing the food. It was all very cool.

A present from my Momma

My mom went in her back yard today to cut down what she though were weeds coming from her next door neighbors yard. Turns out it was a cucumber vine. So she brought me a present. Randy will be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Modeled by Jamie.

Thanks Jamie, now hands off!


I was out driving today by myself. That almost never happens unless I'm going to work. Anyway, I'm out driving and I realized that as I was singing along with the radio I knew every single word to "Don't tell me" by Avril Lavigne. I don't know if thats scary or impressive.

Friday, August 05, 2005

"What a good girl, What a smart girl ,What a pretty girl"

When Randy and I got married we didn't go on much of a honeymoon. We wanted something simple and not too far away. We had a 7 month old, after all. What I find funny is that we spent 2 yrs planning our wedding, getting knocked up, then replanning our wedding and didn't think much about our honeymoon. We kept it simple. We are simple people.

It sucked.

I missed Grace and the people where we went were rude. All of them. It was 3 days of hell. I was never so happy to see good 'ol Omaha than the day we got back.

I never wanted to go back there again........ever.

But since I've started this blog thingy I've met some cool ass people.

There is one chick in particular that sticks out. And she happens to be from the place I swore all people were evil.

She's kick ass and NOT so evil.
I was wrong about something for once

The day the nut cracked.

I cracked today, kids. I let go and cried my little eyes out. I usually don't talk much about that stuff here. This is a happy place, a fun place. But it's my blog and I'm just me and this is the real deal.
I've been so stressed out lately it isn't even funny. I feel like a bad mom, a bad wife and a bad sister.
Here is what is in my pot: 8 pound baby that doesn't sleep & a stupid heart monitor
2 yr old that doesn't listen
A husband that has a stressful job and has the memory of small bug
The ungodly smell of cat urine in the bathroom ( found that fat orange cat pissed on rug)
A messy house and a shitload of laundry.
Went back to work this week
Bills, Bills and more bills.

So I cracked and I cried in front of my kids. Grace just came and hugged me and patted my back. She's a good egg even if she doesn't listen.

I feel better now.

* Not even 20 minutes after I originally posted this I found that Grace dumped a BRAND NEW BOTTLE of Little Tummy medicine all over the couch. Lord give me stregnth.

Guess she was done with her nap.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I'm a Momma yet again

I adopted A clown fetus. A little fucked up, yes I'm sure, but it's not like he's a human fetus. He's a clown. His name is Cletus-The-Fetus-Clown-Fish-Christian.

He lives under my Flickr.
Go say hi

I've always wanted a boy.

No Hate Mail. I've lost a baby and I don't have a problem with this fetus. Besides,we already know Im going to hell so suck it

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


Some people may not find this funny, however I have a weird sence of humor and I don't care.

My brother and I try to see how many times we can irritate our mother to the point that she gives us that "mom look".
But my brother will be gone this Xmas so I'm planning ahead. If it's on the of us then we need to make it good.

So I have a plan

Grace will be wearing this to dinner.
Faith will be in this little ditty. Or maybe this one - I can't decide
I'll be found in this ( Sexy, yes I know).

And if shes still standin' then she'll see Randy wearing this

I haven't picked out what Jamie will be wearing. She's a big girl and understands this game well. She'll do just fine. However I do hope that she'll put my nephew in this shirt.

Don't send me email telling me how I'm going to hell.
I'm already well aware.

Thank you, please drive thru.

Terrible Two's

My 2 yr old is testing me today. BIG TIME. 1st she thought she could jump from the couch to the loveseat. She failed and fell, of course. I then tried to put her down for her nap and she got out of her bed and shook her sippy cup full of milk ( A.K.A. in the Christian household as "milch") all over the floor and THEN took all of Faith's clothes out of the dresser to soak up the mess. That's when I came in. I had to leave the room and count before I went back to clean it up. Then we had to go to the Dr for Faith's 2 month appt. There Grace learned to spit all over herself and showed the Dr how she like to throw herself on the ground. Can I tell you how excited I am to get to go through this all again in 2 yrs? I've heard it's even more fun when they turn 3. I can hardly contain my excitement.
Anyways, Faith weighed 7.10! She really is the size of a newborn now. Her heart monitor will probably go away in about a month and I'm currently dealing with that. I'm such a freak about SIDS - I'll never sleep. I have heard that they make some little pad that goes under the sheet in the crib that detects the baby's heartbeat and goes off like a monitor if it can't detect it. So I'm on the hunt.

But the best part about our visit today - Faith's little noodle( A.K.A. in the Christian Household as "head") is NOT flat. She has the head of a premie.
Thank God, because there is NO WAY that I wanna go though the Helmet thing all over again. Not only did Grace's head smell like a foot all the time, she looked like "Special Ed" from
Crank Yankers.

Yes, I do know that's a Fucked up thing to say, but thanks for reminding me

I don't want to do this again

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I'm on strike, ASSHAT!

I'm irritated with my husband today....Nothing new really, but still I'm irritated. Actually, I'm kinda pissed. So I'm goin' on strike. Those dishes can sit in that sink until they grow legs for all I care.

Oh yeah, I got my 1st visit from the period fairy since I had Faith.
Good times my friends...........

These Precious Things

My friends I would like to introduce you to my addictions or as I like to call them,
My Precious Things:

I could eat here every single night. Seriously... The BLTA sandwich is crack to me.

I could drink a 12 pack a weekend................

This is only a block away.........................

I smother pretty much everything in this or this.

I like to go "sailing" with the Captain. I don't go very often anymore, but when I do....Oh boy.

I have to watch this and this everyday to make me feel complete.

And can I get a drumroll please??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

And my dirtiest little secret ****GASP*****

I'm not proud................

Guess I'll never wonder why I gained weight again, huh?
Or why I'll be dead by the time I'm 60.

Don't give me any shit
My MIL is sending us( yup, Randy too) the patch b/c my SIL didn't use it.
I like smoking. I missed it.
But I knowI need to quit.

Besides, we don't smoke in the house and it gets REALLY FRICKIN' cold here in the winter and I like to feel my fingers.

Songs of the day:
"These Precious Things"
Tori Amos

"Not an Addict"
K's Choice

Grace and I at Christmas Posted by Picasa Her hair looks funky, but HEY - I have makeup on damnit!
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:


HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS:Step by step guide with slide presentation




LOSS OF VIRILITY:Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS:Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upsidedown while screaming




REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST:Real life testimonial from the one man who



HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION:Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques



With age maturity does not come

Actual conversation:

Randy: "It isn't going to take much to finish the basement. It'll probably cost around $100.00 for the sealant for the wall and $15.00 for the cock.............."

Me " HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE...........You said COCK!....COCK!!!! Say it again!"

Yes, with age maturity does not come.

I'll be 27 next month.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Special K

Do you like the new look? My Sweet K thought of me and did it. Isn't she Kick Ass? I heart her.
Kids, tell K how awesome she is......... Go ahead.