Thursday, October 06, 2005

Best Friends Forever - Handle with care

While at my parents house last weekend I decided to go though whatever crap it was that I still had there. I found all of my journals from 15-18.
I waited until the girls were napping and I sat down to read them.
How sad.
You know what I wrote about?
Thats about it.
Boys and my 2 best friends (BFF!) at the time.
Seriously, I had co-dependency issues-I probably did until right before I started dating Randy.
Because when we started dating, I didn't want a boyfriend. More than anything I wanted to be alone.
But it was Randy.
Not only had we been friends for 5 years, it was well known that I still had a crush on him, carried on from the first time we dated 4 yrs beforehand.
I thought it was safe and so it began.
I can't even tell you all how long I slept in his bed before we actually "did the deed".
A long while.
Alright, I suppose that a few months isn't really that long, but when you're at the bar and had a FEW drinks (Randy was DJ-ing), a few nights a week -a few months is a VERY LONG TIME.

Anyways, I got off topic again - So I'm finishing my last journal and I see something written a few pages back and it's not in my hand writing.
It was a letter from one of my BFF, written in Feb. of 2000.
It was one of the nicest letters I've ever read. She told me that I was " such a good person and that everyone I come in contact with sees that" and went on to say how I didn't always need a man in my life and how I shouldn't sell myself short. How in the end when I find my Mr. Right it will all be worth everything that has gone wrong in every relationship before that and cancel it out.

I sat there on my parents bed crying after I read that.
Not only was it true, it made me feel good to know that I had such an awesome friend.
A friend I don't talk to anymore.
I tried like hell the rest of the afternoon to remember her cell #, but I couldn't.
See, back in Dec, the other BFF had a baby and no one called me. I got pissed and said screw em both, erased both all the phone and cell#'s and haven't heard from either since.
Not even after I sent them Faith's birth announcement.

It makes me sad, but what can you do? I told Randy I should send her a card, but I know my feelings would be hurt if I didn't hear from her after that.

If you didn't know, I'm very fragile.
I think of ending this blogg AT LEAST 2 times a week.

Just yesterday I got a email from someone telling me that I swear too much and if my Grandmother was alive, she'd wash my mouth out.
1. I'm an ADULT! I own my own home, have a husband and children. I can swear if I want.
2. My grandmother is who I learned to swear from in the 1st fucking place( Bill, can I get an AMEN on that one???!)!
3. Odviously, she hasn't seen my brother, Bill's site.

It drives me crazy and I wish I could change it, but I don't know where to even start.


JLB said...

Fucking right on! You can say whatever the fuck you want!

And you know, people come and go throughout our lives. I've always felt that folks come and go at the "right time," after we've had a chance to learn from one another.

In my experience, sometimes good friends pop back up again when you least expect them! :)

Amy's Working said...

Wash you mouth out huh? Unless it's with a shot of tequila, ask them kindly to fuck off!

You know there's some friends that don't stick no matter how hard you want them to - maybe it's not your fault????

WLH said...

LOL Who the fuck told you that you swear too much ......

bigbadblondie said...

Well, all I can say is if you don't like it, go read something else. You have every right to say what you want, when you want, and however you want. Actually, I think you swear more in print than you do in real life....C

MarkD60 said...

I have been keeping a journal for the past 15 years, but I call them "notebooks". My blog has replaced my writing in my notebooks. It is basically the same content though

courtneythefuckingbeautiful said...

i agree w/ everyone else. screw 'em. all. who gives a flying fuck if you swear or someone else doesn't agree with you? we're all different for a reason. if we were all the same, this world would suck. oh, and by the way...fuck, motherfucker,goddamnit, asshole, shit, and feel free to add your own. i hope that person comes back and reads this. they'd better have a bible ready.