Monday, November 28, 2005

5 days and 50 pounds

So, I found that I can eat my own weight in Green sauce, guacamole, and just regular Tex-Mex.
I've drank so much REGULAR Dr. Pepper and Sweet Tea that my Teeth hurt. I think I gained back all 50 pounds.
Oh, well - My attitude has been adjusted so it was worth it.
Here's what I say: Fuck it!
You don't like me or some of the choices I've made
Fuck You.
You walk in my shoes then run your mouth.
And that is that.
Thank you, Texas and the Foo Fighters for the adjustment.
* My husband just called and said that I sounded pissed in this post. And I'm not. I've just realized that I have to be the one who changes. I can't be responsible for everyone else and I can't let what people say or think about me have so much control over my life.
The changes have to come from me.


I found that my 2 year old IS the leader of the Bad ass KiDs BuNcH AKA her Texas Bad Ass little cousins. They literally bow to her.
Sad, really.

However, My children were Angels on the way there and the way home.

We also found a house that WE BOTH fell in love with. I'd like to show you pictures, but I'm sure that it's illegal in some way shape or form. 4 BR, 2 Bath. HUGE DRINKING DECK!
MASSIVE!!!


And because I'm cool like that, The neighbor came over and was talking to us ( She was V cool and had little kids too)) and told us to try the doors cause someone was in the house earlier today ( yes, it's vacant).
And I did.
And The back door popped open.
It's AWESOME.

Ahhhhhhhhh, So Yeah, I'm back home now. The Christmas stuff is up.
And I'm pretty f'ing sure I'll end up killing 3 cats before the tree comes down ( or they knock it down)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Finally.............





Today is the day!!! THANK YOU JESUS, WE'RE LEAVING FOR TEXAS IN 7 HOURS!!!
The high on Thanksgiving is supposed to be 80. WOOHOOOO!
We'll be back Sunday afternoon and hopfully have time to put up all the Christman stuff. I watched Christmas with the Kranks the other night and thats I'll I've wanted to do ever since, but decided to wait until we got back because I know my cats and the tree wouldn't be standing when we got back.

Soooo, goodbye, for now my internets. I love you and hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. I will leave you with this Screwed up( and a bit long, BUT VERY FUNNY AND FUC*ED UP) X-Mas Video.

Annie Out ;o)

2 years and 25 pounds ago...........








I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Friday, November 18, 2005

Blah...

My Husband said I should post.

I have nothing to write about.

I could tell you all I'm riding the cotton Camel right now, but I suppose that isn't surprising to find out after my last post. But remember - Thats a good thing for me.
Except this month has been horrid! I've felt like CRAP for almost a little over a week.
My hormones have been ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I can't sleep.
I think I might need crazy drugs.
That depresses me even more.


It's my weekend to work.
So here I am.

Tuesday can't come soon enough.
BTW- That's also our Wedding anniversary.

And we're spending it in a car.

I think we're going to go out to dinner while we're in Texas.
Which is TOTALLY fine with me, because I NEED Tex-Mex right now like you wouldn't believe.

Somehow, I've managed to lose another 6 pounds in the last week.
Which is REALLLY funny because I've had 2 Cracker Barrel salad's ( yeah, it may be a salad, but it's like 2,000 calories)

And Taco Bell

And I had McDonald's today.

Oink Oink.



And I'm still a bad person because I haven't called anyone back this week. No offence guys, I didn't check my voicemail until today and I just don't feel like talking to anyone.
I'm just in a mood.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

BREAKDOWN

I've been thinking a lot lately about things and people in my life. And to be completely honest - I think it's kinda a train wreck.

For the last hour or so I've been tossing and turning in bed and finally decided I had enough. I'm hope that if I vent here for a bit I'll feel better and might be able to get some sleep.

Here I go:

I don't think I like me very much anymore. And I'm not just talking about my appearance. It's so much more than that. I used to think that I was a good person with a good heart.

Not like totally outstanding or anything, but good.
I really just don't feel like that anymore.

My issue is that I let other people have too much control in my life. Now, this is something that I already knew and had known for my whole entire life.
Then someone pointed it out to me the other night and I was actually kinda hurt. Not because someone else noticed it, but because they had to point it out. EVERYONE IS A FUCKING CRITIC - me included. I abso-fucking-lutly hate it.
One of my major issues has always been worrying what other people think of me. I don't know why. I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS think someone is mad at me or doesn't like me anymore. It's all very high school. I mean, for the love of God, I started a new blog where I could just go vent and not have to worry about who I knew that was reading it and talking shit about me over dinner.

I also have a really hard time telling people that they've hurt my feelings.
Recently some things have happened (that I'm not going to get into here) and I was talking about it with another person and they looked me straight in the eye and said " You did nothing to detour this", which I took as " This is all your fault you fucking idiot". And I actually thought it was a mean comment. I'm the kinda person that has a hard time hurting people's feelings on purpose and I guess I need to work on that. Maybe I didn't do anything to "detour" the situation, Hell, I bet I probably encouraged it without meaning to as well .

I'M HUMAN - I SCREW UP EVERY NOW AND THEN. I'M NOT PERFECT AND I DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE.
AGAIN, EVERYONE IS A CRITIC!
Do I think I handled the situation poorly - YES, but I can't go back and change it. BUT HEY! THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT!!

I've been pissed at so many people for so long that it's honestly rediculous.
I'm constantly pissed at this troll at work for running it's mouth about me, but then I turn around and do the SAME DAMN THING to it.

I have "friends" I avoid because, well, I don't think that they're good friends and I can't be honest with them.

Ever feel like you're just a pile of shit?
Ever want to run away and start over where no one knows you?


Moving to Texas has been brought up again and you know what - WHY THE HELL NOT?

The only thing keeping me here is my family. But if I look back in 30 years and say " Yeah, I wish I would have just tried it" I'll regret it.

Really, all I want to do is just be a better person. And as I sit here and cry while I type this I guess I didn't think I was this bad of a person until now, but it's all just been building up.

Why do I let people make me feel like shit?
I want to be that pretty, funny girl that everyone likes, but I just don't know if it's in the cards.
At least not here in Omaha/ Council Bluffs.

I don't want to win a Nobel Peace prize or anything, I just want to be a decent person.

I guess more than anything, I just wanted everyone ELSE to think I was a decent peron too.





I'm not trying to have my own little pitty party here, but I guess thats what it turned out to be.

Monday, November 14, 2005

It sucks to be me

I had about 10 billion things to do this weekend and I didn't do any of them.
I spent most of my weekend in bed. Somehow I managed to screw up my back so bad it hurt to even stand up.
I feel better today so I guess I'll go to work.

Last week was so stressful I can't even begin to tell you....
I haven't started looking for a job yet ( one of those things I was supposed to do this weekend) and I should probably get on that.
My friend Mark said I can't be a fat girl stripper because I'm not fat.
HA!
I love him, but he has no idea what's under my clothes........
AND I also went on a comfort food diet that included Taco Bell and Subway over the last week.
However that's all come to an end, because in 8 days I've leaving for Texas and the last time they saw me I weighted 252.
Seriously.
I've lost a ton of weight, sure, but I don't want them to look at me and think" good, God she has really let herself go"
Yes, I worry about that.

And I also saw my brother that I haven't seen in like 4 months and he didn't mention anything about me looking different so BACK ON THE WW WAGON I GO!

Hi ho hi ho, no more to Taco Bell I go.........

Hey Does anybody remember the South Park where Jennifer Lopez was on Cartman's hand and she sang the " Taco Taco" Song???!?!?!?!

I swear that the new commercial for the baby bratz crib is the same song - different words!!

Anybody?!?!?!?!?!?!..........

Ok, nevermind.....
I gotta go clean the bathroom.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

"Hey Fat Girl, Come here, are you ticklish".....Yeah I called you fat - look at me.... I'm a fatass too but I know what it is I can get away with

Muffin Tops : The new American Epidemic



People we're in a crisis and we don't even know it.

SERIOUSLY

It's called Muffin Tops.

And they're everywhere you look.

Now, I knew about this epidemic long before I knew it had a name. It's everywhere.

It's Muffin Top

It's disgusting.

Ladies, please, Please PLEASE know what the difference is when wearing a pair of jeans that fit and wearing a pair of jeans that fit well.

Just because they zip doesn't mean you should wear them in public.....and a little mid drift shirt to top it off

SERIOUSLY

STOP IT

Again, I'm not dead....

I just got nothin' kids.
Nothing.
My whole house is sick and I'm sure I'll be joining them very soon.
I did find out that I'm losing my job in a few weeks.
They have a no nepotism rule and my Crazy Aunt just landed supervisor.
I'm proud of her- she kicks ass.

But it kinda sucks to be me

They did offer me the day shift, but theres no way I could work from 6am-6pm.

We do have a different department thats hiring, but it's different hours and less money.
They work like 6 days in a row.
Ick.

Soooo, after talking it over with Randy, We've decided I'm going to be a fat girl stripper at night and work at Subway during the day.
My stage name will be Sin-dy
Sin-dy, the Council Bluffs scrapper, Super striper by night and sandwich artist during the day.

I wonder how much I'll rake in!?!?!

If all else fails, Randy said I can be a "fluffer"

If you don't know what a fluffer is, shoot me an email and I'll let you in on it ;0)

Thursday, November 03, 2005