I told you bitches I was goin' to hell........
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test
This is gonna go over real well, I just know it.
So guess what I want to be when I grow up?
A body piercer
Turns out that my pretend boyfriend, Shawn, and Slick Rick are opening a Tattoo shop just outside The Old Market.
Now, if you're from Omaha you understand what a FRICKIN' SWEET location that is for a tattoo shop.
I asked Rick if he was going to do the piercing.
He said that they weren't going to have anyone doing them.
Then he was telling me about this school.
I wanna do it.
I'm not saying that I'd work with Shawn and Rick.
BUT they have inspired me.
I know my mom is shitting her pants as she reads this.
Sorry, Mom- I love you :o)
Don't worry, I'm still planning on finishing my nursing degree.
Besides, it's like $1,500 just for the training in CA. That doesn't count the plane ticket, hotel and food. I'm so debating if I should put up a paypal donation thingy on the links.
But wouldn't that be a KICK ASS JOB?
BTW- I have no tattoos and only my ears pierced. I have had my tongue and navel done in the past.
Women Pregnancy Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprophren bottle is empty and you just bought it yesterday
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
.AND, Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN * ( I find that debatable)
WE ALL NEED a SMILE
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley."
BTW..............W.T.F. ( WHITE TRASH FOREVAR!)
Just so you all know:
Grace took a dump in the toilet last night. It was a big frickin' deal. We called all the grandparents and gave her a Nemo sticker.
Today shes gone though every pair of training pants we own with no luck.
Heaven forbid she would have to walk away from Dora the Crackhead
to pee in the toilet.
Faith slept in her crib for the first time last night. Yes, I know she'll be 4 months old on Friday, but she's the size of a tiny baby. I don't think she even weighs 12 pounds yet. We'll see on Friday.
It was all very nerve racking. We both checked on her AT least 15 times.
Go Ahead - Tell us we're freaks.
Like it would be news to us.K
and I made a deal last night that if either of us win the lottery we're going on vacation without our husbands. I forgot to ask about the kids, though.
Better not be anytime soon, since she's prego.
Randy thinks I'd miss him to much.
We were watching Wife Swap the other night while we were putting away groceries and I was making fun of them all for crying because they hadn't seen their spouses in 10 days.
Randy looked at me and said " Really? I remember you crying the 1st day I gone the last time I went out of town for work"
Yeah, asshat- I was pregnant. It's different now.
Let them send you out of town now.I'd still probably cry...........just not until the 8th day
I've come to the conclusion that times goes much faster overnight. That must be the reason I always feel like I haven't slept at all when I get up.
Maybe I just need to start going to bed before 2am.
was here, but now he's back overseas. He even graced us with his presence 3 times that week.
He even said that Faith was " cute now, but still looks like the Commish
" because she doesn't have any hair on the top of her head.
He thinks all babies are ugly.
I was sick the whole time he was here.
He is however, on my shit list because he SIGNED UP for another year overseas.My sister in law
is a frickin' saint.
Then again, so is my husband. You have to be to marry a Hackenberg.
My brother told Randy he was surprised he wasn't drinking more by now.
I kinda am too.
And to add to the things that pissed me off yesterday, we took Grace to the mall last night to play in the little toddler playground area( After we left Target......Yes there is only ONE Target in this town and it's in the mall- Good thing we usually go to Omaha to shop)
Anyways, apparently, we were the only ones that were bothered by the fact that there was a group of 10-12 yr olds there playing TAG and pushing down/jumping over the toddlers.
We left.I was hot!!!
I tried to find someone to tell ( I'm a tattle tail) but there was no one to be found.
Before we left we spoke very LOUNDLY
about them being to big to be in there,
But I didn't want to get my ass kicked by thewhitetrashmomsthere
They didn't even look up.
I'm a pussy.
BUT, I am a pussy that feels not so sick today!
HEY JENNA! Last night's incident made my mind up about my costume for the Halloween party.
I need to find some blue eye shadow and and Race Car shirt................
Things that piss me off today
I've started watching this
and I swear that if I ever see this douche
, I'll knock his rich happy ass out.
I don't care if I'm a girl.
I have bigger balls than him, anyway.
Whats he gonna do? Sue me?
HAH! Good luck with that one.
I don't care who your Daddy is.
WHAT A ASSHOLE!!!!
HBO is working itself on to my bad side because of this
Showtime, you're on my good side right now because of Weeds
, but you gotta bring back Dead Like Me
before I go apeshit.
4. I don't get it!!!!!!!!!!! They seemed so happy
What a friggin' day.
I feel like my blog has gone to shit.
I've got nothing funny to say.
I'm still sick and I think it's sucked the life right outta me.
Years ago, when I was living at home, my parents used to go out of town, leaving me and my brother the house.
I will admit that we were boring. We never had parties.
At least I didn't, anyway. I don't know about my brother.
There was that ONE TIME when I was 21 and I had an after hours get together.
Really, it was just a plan to spend time with Randy outside of the bar ( I've motioned the whole DJ/ Karaoke company thing before, right?).
Anyways, the parents were out of town and I can't remember where my brothers were - they weren't there.
About 7 of us came back to my house and we played cards and drank more beer.
Good times, my friends.
That night, our friend Brian, put his ass print on the picture window. My parents would have never know about that if he hadn't busted us out during his best man speech at our wedding reception ( You should have seem my face.......Priceless).
That was also the first night that my husband kissed me, inside on the steps.
Anyways, what I'm getting at here is that we're house sitting next weekend for my parents.
There house is HUGE and Grace loves their St. Bernard, Baby, with a passion.
They also have a mini play ground. So during a family lunch today, I mentioned how our friends are have a joint B-day party/ BBQ next weekend that's Adults only.
We won't be going since our babysitters are going out of town :o(
But Jamie and I told my mom we were going to have people over to here house instead.Mom said that was fine - Go ahead.
I suppose we're trustworthy now that we're married with children.
Who the hell would I invite? All of our friends will be at the other "cool" party.
I foresee Blockbuster and grilling out next weekend for Randy, Jamie and I, while the kids run around and wear each other out.
No, nothing is wrong.
From what I'm picking up from some emails- CRY
freaked some people out.
I'll explain this one more time.
What I was getting at is that before I started dating my husband, I went though hell.
But in the end - I won.
I don't have to listen to songs like that anymore.
I ended up where I was supposed to.This song is kinda like our theme.
Never fear - We are fine.
Randy is my bestest friend in the whole wide world.
Besides, no one else would put up with my shit and no one else would put up with his.
What else can I tell you? Oh, I know !!!
I'm not pregnant.
I didn't mention that we had a scare. I kinda felt a little guilty. I didn't/don't want to be pregnant again.
At least not anytime soon.
I'm talking years, people.
A while back we had a condom break and I freaked out.
Randy and I have never had any trouble getting pregnant.
Hell, Grace was a birth control patch baby.
We stopped "prevention methods" right before Grace turned one.
On her 1st birthday we found out I was pregnant again.
Then I lost her. We waited until we got the green light to try again from the Dr's and were pregnant again right away.
It was important to both of us to have 2 kids close in age. I hope my daughters have the kind of relationship that me and my brother have and Randy and his cousin, Courtney have ( they're like brother and sister).
I don't think we can even wash our underwear together, people.
Randy's sperm is just that good.
So when we had our little "mishap" a week or so ago I FREAKED OUT.
I don't write down dates or anything, so I had no idea where I was at.
Don't get me wrong - I don't need the hate mail, I know how lucky we are to have 2 beautiful, healthy daughters.
Here's my point - My body doesn't do pregnancy well.
I've never gotten past 32 weeks.
VERY SICK BOTH TIMES.
NICU both times.
Then to top it off my husband had a dream that we did have a 3rd baby, a little boy, not long after Faith. In this dream she was just learning to walk when he brought the baby home.
That little boy and his sisters grew up without a mom because I didn't' make it the 3rd time around.
That dream scared the shit outta me.
Call me selfish, I can live with that. We do want another baby, just not anytime within the next 3 years.
I'm tired, my friends. I've done 3 pregnancies in 2 and a half years.
My body is screaming for R-E-C-O-V-E-R-Y!!!!
We haven't decided if we'll adopt or if we'll go the same ol' route again.
I keep remembering this.....................
I'm not going to think about it right now.
I'm going to rejoice for once that the period fairy stopped at my house this month
A long time ago I used to live off of this song.
I heard it today on my way to work. It made me think back to that time.
It was really shitty.
I'm talking horrible in every imaginable way.
I'm so thankful for where I am today.CryIf I had just one tear running down your cheekMaybe I could cope maybe I"d get some sleepIf I had just one moment at your expenseMaybe all my misery would be well spentYeah.... Could you cry a littleLie just a littlePretend that you"re feeling a little more painI gave now I"m wantingSomething in returnSo cry just a little for meIf your love could be caged - honey I would hold the keyAnd conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed meAnd you"d hunt those liesThey"d be all you"d ever findAnd that"d be all you"d have to knowFor me to be fineYeah.... and you'd cry a littleDie just a littleAnd baby I would feel just a little less painI gave now I"m wantingSomething in returnSo cry just a little for meGive it up babyI hear your goodbyeI can see it it your eyesSome kind of heartacheDarlin give it a tryI don"t want pityI just want what is mineYeah... could you cry a littleLie just a littlePretend that your"re feeling a little more painI gave now I"m wantingSomething in returnSo cry just a little for me~Faith Hill
" Are you guys having a killer time?"
If you ever doubted that I was a nerd, then today's video should set you right. Thanks for all the emails, kids. Let me assure you all that my illness was NOT a hangover. Silly people- don't you know I used to drink all the time? I'm an old pro at that game. I just can't drink as much anymore. I was tipsy after my 1st Morgan and Coke. So let me tell you how well I was after another Morgan and coke, 4 shots and some beer........
I was Crunk
.I really wanted to use that word (hehehehehe)
It was a sad sorry situation. At the end of the night I was so drunk that I made my ex unlock his car so I could see the burn hole I made on his front passenger seat years ago.
The point of that was I wanted to tell him karma is a bitch. When I got my new Grand Am last year, I didn't even have the stickers outta the window before I dropped a cherry off my smoke in the drivers seat. I don't think I ever got that far. I was distracted by how clean his car was.
Both the girls have been sick as well. Just cold/allergy stuff though. We all just lay around in our PJ's all day and feel like poop. Not Randy though. He just keeps truckin. I'm starting to feel a little bit better I think. You all know it had to have been bad for me to have been away for so long. But if it makes you feel better know that I've watched ridicules amount of South Park, Family Guy, and I've watched Napoleon Dynamite (Again) a few times as well. I found this site
- Hours of entertainment.
Yes, I am a nerd. Thanks for asking!
I also watched the most horrible movie EVAR( said in my Eric Cartman voice- see? Too much South Park)I still watched the whole damn thing, though.I'm blaming it on the drugs
No, I'm not dead
I'll be back soon.
This is what Annie and her friends look like Drunk
OMG - I had soooooooooooo much fun.
I drank way too much
I didn't puke like a little bitch, either.
We didn't get home until 2am. After Crazy monkey sex it was 4am and Randy went out searching for food.
That's the last thing I remember.
Then I passed out on the couch.
I don't feel too horrible today, but I think I'm going to take a nap.
Honor thy Mother and Father
On Tuesday, my mom asked me where I wanted to go to eat for my birthday this weekend (I wanted to wait until my brother was home). So I told her either Red Robin or The Amarillo (BBQ). She gave me a funny look and said " How about Farmer Browns? Your brother didn't get to eat there the last time he was home"
I said fine. Whatever.
Then I walked away thinking' why the fuck did you even ask me if you already had your mind made up?'
I don't really like Farmer Browns. Either does my husband. All I have ever get there is spaghetti. I was craving it when I was pregnant with Faith, but uh, she's almost 4 months old now and I've gotten over it
Then this is the conversation we had today"Me:So, what time we were doingt this on Sunday, because I'm going out for BBQ at some point this weekend.Mom:Well, I don't know what time your brother will be getting up or what he has planned"Me: Are we going out for my birthday or because Bill is in town?Mom: We thought we'd go out for your birthday. Why?Me: Because I'm still trying to figure out why you would ask me where I wanted to go if you already had your mind made up with where we were going because thats what Bill likes. Mom: Fine, Ann -............and then she fucking hung up
So, Me being the petty bitch I am, called her voicemail at work and told her to forget it. I'm not going.
SHE DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY!
The world stops when my brother is in town.* Yes I do realize that there are much more important things going on in the world than where I'm eating at, but I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm a petty bitch.
Now go donate to the Red Cross
Friday I will be drunk.So very loaded with Captian Morgan that after about an hour I will be the prettiest girl in the bar, the best dancer, everyone's best friend, and so uncommonly witty that I could have anyone in the place.I will be big BIG PIMPIN', MO FO's!!!!And I'm sure I'll have the pictures to prove it*You all know I'm still going home with RandyShut up
This is my new pen!!! It's the Alien from Toy Story and IT LIGHTS UP WHEN YOU WRITE!!!!!
I really hate that picture of me, but I wanted to show you all that I am a nerd and when the Red Robin came around to take pictures with the kids, I asked if I could have one too.
And in case anyone was wondering what Randy and the girls got me - It's right here
"I got a Present for ya right here, Lady"
I woke up @ 6:30 this morning to the sound of my fat orange cat puking in on the carpet in the hallway right outside the bedroom door
Happy Birthday to me.
We're going to Red Robin tonight
The end to the Geico commericals.
Thank you, Crazy Aunt!
I've been there before
Not with Randy, of course, but I've been there............
And it blew the fuck up in my face.
I got this at PostSecret
Now EVERYONE can DO IT
Comments have now been adjusted so that anyone ( Jenna, Courtney, everyone who has sent me a email regarding it) can join in.
Letter verification is back, though
You're all welcome for the eye candy.
Just in case you were wondering what to get me for my birthday on Tuesday........
I think that this would be agreeable...
It's on eBay
It's A purse :o) So I could take Adrien with me everywhere.
These are slightly offensive so don't look if you can't hang12345This site is too funny
- anything from here would do.
Alright, bitches - Get to it!You guys know I'm kidding, right
Rob is Outta There! I gotta new man....
Happy FRIDAY, Bitches!!!!!
It's Friday, people! I hope everyone has a good weekend! It's my weekend to work, so thats what I'll be doing. WOOOHOOOO!
Exciting, isn't it?Here's some fun for you
Crazy Aunt and I did it at work the other night and we kicked ass.
Here is one from the 90's
. It's from the UK, but shouldn't be toooooo hard.
Alright, kids - HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!
All about sharing the love
I love getting free stuff in the mail. So, I thought I'd share the love with you, my internet friends
Here you go
is nice.This is for the Ladies
is to use on the ladies......or the boyfriend.
If you're having blatter issues
. I think you actually have to find the free sample link to that one.
Thats all for today my friends :o)
This one's for Jenna
Over the weekend, some friends and I sat around and talked about going to a female strip club for my birthday.
I'm gonna wear this shirt
And sit next to Jenna
Just plain pissy
Sometimes I just wanna pack up my shit and fucking move to Texas.
I know I need to grow a thicker skin, but that's easier said than done
I know I can be oversensitive,But some people can just be bitches
I am me.
I AM loud.
I'm NOT prim and proper AND I probably never
That's just not me
And I'm not gonna suck your asshole just b/c everyone else thinks your hot shit.
And Thats how I feel about that
I want this hat !!!!!!!! Even if Kevin has it. He's a turd.And For those of you who wondered how "college" was going for Steve from Blues Clues..............HAH!AND I forgot to mention how my friend Justin, once again found time to give me shit over this at the BBQ Sunday.You're lucky I like you wife and kid, dude.What Should I be for Halloween? This?This ( It would be the hopped up Council Bluffls version, of course)?Or This?I just don't know.......
Mel Tagged my Ass
7 Things I want to do Before I die
1. Be a Sexy Bitch
2. Finish the ONE FRICKIN' YEAR OF SCHOOL I HAVE LEFT!
3.Buy a bigger house
4. Meet K5.Dress like a Girl for the fun of it(I can hear the gasps now)6.Learn how to do my hair and Makeup7......I'm pretty boring............7 Things I can do1. Be a good mom2. Be a good wife3. Smoke4.Drink( every now and Then)5. Eat the holy hell out of Red Robin6.Curse like a sailor ( that's what my mom says, anyway)7. Be the funny girl in the room7 Things I CANNOT DO1. Sing well while Intoxicated...or at all after some beer
2.take shots without getting sick or feeling like ass the next day3.Have a pregnancy that actually goes to 40 weeks4. not worry that certain people talk about me 5. Live without Randy or our girls6. spell well7. Hold back smartass comments 7 Things that attract me to the opposite SEX1. Eyes ( Thats how Randy got me)2. A BIG PENIS .........Does it really matter after that? 7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST1. What the fuck? 2.Shut the Fuck up!3.I love you4. You're a douche...5. You gotta be shittin' me6. Asshat7. Time out7 Celebrity Crushes1. Rob Thomas 2. Chad Kroger 3. Shakria4. Adrian Brody 5.Pink
6. Tori Amos 7.Josh Lucas I'll leave out the 7 people I want to do this.You're all welcome. But you all know who you are
I forgot to mention in my last post that since my friends were drunk and couldn't figure out how to work my camera, you don't get to see pictures of me doing my Shakira impression of the Whenever,Whatever video, me bustin out some 1990 dance moves, and Me singing the Milkshake song while standing on a chair ( karaoke, of course).
The beer will always win.
I also hit the 40 pound mark on Friday. Don't get excited, I probably gained about 10 of that back over the last 4 days.
Friday was Red Robin and Beer.
Saturday I woke up with a raging UTI, so I drank ridiculous amounts of cranberry juice and ate McDonald's ( comfort food). You know it's bad when you watch SUPER SIZE ME
and it makes you want a Big Mac.
Randy and I just hung out and rented movies. If you haven't seen THE JACKET
, then rent it!!!!!AWESOME!!!!!!!I was never really an Adrian Brody fan, but I changed my mind.Hot.
Good Lord, I'm still having dreams........................
Sunday was a BBQ at our friends house.Enough said. However, I don't know what to do with Grace. She doesn't seem to play well with others. Only her cousin.
intended on getting back on the WW wagon this morning, but I woke up in pain and needed a cookie. I forgot about re-starting today.
I'm getting back on the wagon in the morning. .
This was how my Friday went. How about yours?
Believe it or not- I didn't get drunk.
I was the DD