Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I have a lot of free time today....

Take the quiz:
You're an Angel of..... (w/ anime pic.s)

You're a Guardian Angel
Watching over that one you're assigned to watch over, you are the most gently and open-minded. Unlike the Angel of Light, you aren't vain, you think humans are the most fascinating creatures created by god. You are the most innocent of all angels, beauty of innocence. Your job may sound simple but your at risk of becoming a fallen, for you could fall in love with the one you protect.

Quizzes by -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

More aspirin for my baby fever...

I looked at this picture last night.
I took my birth control pill within 2 minutes after I saw it.

Having the pelvis of a 11 yr old boy has it's advantages I suppose-
delivering children is not one of them.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It takes one to know one...

Some how, some way, BOTH the kids took a nap today.....AT THE SAME TIME
Randy was working from home today and had been downstairs on the computer all afternoon.
He came up to go to the bathroom and I asked him jokingly

" Hey! Are you gonna make me feel like a woman tonight?"

His reply

" Sure thing. Get in the kitchen and make me some dinner, bitch!!"


My 1st Birthday!!!!!!


I couldn't figure out why I was getting so many emails and not a lot of comments...
Comments are now fixed.

Monday, May 29, 2006

A year ago today....

I woke up around 5am STARVING!
I knew that they wouldn't bring my breakfast tray until 8am, so I ate a Heath Bar.
I was bored.
They came in and took blood around 7am and I started watching Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends.
Like I said, I was bored.
Finally my ham, egg and cheese omelet arrived.
It was good, too.
So, there I was enjoying my breakfast and watching cartoons when the team of High Risk OB Doctors walked in.
" Annie, STOP EATING! You're having this baby today. You platetes took a big drop over night and we need to get you delivered. "

At 31 weeks, HELLP Syndrome had won.
The next hour and a half are kinda a blur.
I called Randy, my sister in law, my parents, and Randy's mom who had left Texas the day before and was on her way.

I was taken to the operating room, which was as cold as a meat locker and given a spinal block, and then strapped down to the table.
Randy finally arrived.

The c-section started.
Yeah, it sucked. The spinal block was no better than the epidural I had with Grace
They had to fish her out because she was still pretty high and really little.
The NICU team was there waiting.

And then I heard my sweet baby cry.
She was able to breath on her own.

I was quickly shown one of the most beautiful creatures to ever come into this world.
I told her how much I loved her and how we had been waiting for her for a long time.

Cynthia Faith

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Like I said, I'm all over the place ...

This is what's on my iPod:

7 Mary 3 - Lucky
Alanis Morissette - Narcissus
Backstreet Boys - All I Have to Give
Backstreet Boys - I Promise You (With Everything I Am)
Barenaked Ladies - Call and Answer
Barenaked Ladies - what a good boy
Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey
Blues Traveler - The Mountains Win Again
Chevelle - Closure
Coldplay - Fix You
Deftones - Change (In the House Of Flies)
Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven
Eve 6 - Promise
Fleetwood Mac - Go Yor Own Way
Fuel - Hemorrhage (In My Hands)
Garth Brooks - Every Now And Then
Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through
Gavin DeGraw - We Belong Together
George Michael - I Can't Make You Love Me
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Jason Mraz - You And I Both
Jay Z w Eminem - Renegade
Keith Urban - Raining On Sunday
Keith Urban - You're My Better Half
Kellie Coffey - When You Lie Next To Me
Korn - Falling Away From Me
Lenny Kravitz - Can't Get You Off My Mind
Lifehouse - Everything
Limp Bizkit - Crushed
Limp Bizkit - I'll Be OK
Limp Bizkit - No Sex
Limp Bizkit - Red Light Green Light
Limp Bizkit - The One
Matchbox 20 - Hang (Acoustic)
Matchbox Twenty - Bed of Lies
Matchbox Twenty - Leave
Matchbox Twenty - The Difference
Matchbox Twenty - You Wont Be Mine
Montgomery Gentry - Speed
My Chemical Romance - Helena
Nickelback - Do This Anymore
Nickelback - Far Away
Nickelback - Next Contestant
Nickelback - Savin' Me
Nickelback - Should've Listened
Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have
No Doubt - Ex-Girlfriend
Our Lady Peace - Clumsy
Pearl Jam - Black
Pink Floyd - Shine on You Crazy Diamond
Rascal Flatts - Im moving on
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Love Rollercoaster
Saliva - Rest In Pieces
Sarah McLachlan - Good Enough
Savage Garden - I Knew I Love You
Savage Garden - Truly Madly Deeply
Sean Paul - Temperature
Sean Paul - We Be Burnin
Stabbing Westward - What Do I Have To Do
Staind - Epiphany
Staind - Everything Changes
Staind - So Far Away
Sugarland - Just Might (Make Me Believe)
Tantric - Mourning
Third Eye Blind - How's It Gonna Be?
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Don't Do Me Like That

BUT the best song on there has to be Lucky by 7 Mary 3

Mean Mr. Mustard says he's bored
of life in The District.
Can't afford the French Quarter high
says it gets old real quick
and he pales up next to me
scrawled on the pavement
It says: Son, time is all the luckyou need.

And if I stay lucky then my tongue
will stay tied, and I won't betraythe things that I hide.
There's not enough years underneaththis belt, for me to admit the way that I felt

Mean Mr. Mustard says don't be
the wave that crashes
From a sea of discontent, he say
she's wrestled with that blanket...
It leaves you cold and wet
any way you stretch it
Divine apathy!
Disease of my youth
watch that you don't catch it.

And if I stay lucky then my tongue
will stay tied, and I won't betraythe things that I hide.
There's not enough years underneaththis belt, for me to admit the way that I felt

Friday, May 26, 2006

A Kiss-ass at 3

My children were perfect angels all day today.

Grace was sitting with me while I was logging into my MySpace account ( Yes, I have a MySpace account and I'm not 14 or a child molestor)and there was a picture of Jean Gray ( X Men) on the home page.

" Mommy, it's youuuuuuuu!", she said.


Don't I wish............

Little kiss-ass.

Gotta love her....Even if she is a turd.

Hurricane Grace

Potty training -
Grace just doesn't want to do it.
She has out right refused.
Every day we go through 9 pairs of '"big girl pants"

At nap time she wears a diaper, because pull ups to her just mean pull off.
Diapers are now the same.
About a week ago, during nap time, she took off her poop filled diaper and handed her 11 month old sister a turd.
They "decorated" the whole damn room.
And each other.

It was disgusting.
Kudos to my husband who cleaned it all up.

Monday of this week I spent around an hour and a half on my hands and knees deep cleaning the carpet in the living room the the girls' bedroom with a tooth brush. It wasn't from poop, just having a 3 year old and a almost 1 yr old.
Teaches us to buy a house with brand new cream colored carpet.


Yesterday I laid both of the girls down for nap and all was quiet, so after about 45 minutes I took a nap too.

I woke up an hour later to Randy telling me that it had all happened again.
Grace took off her diaper, peed in 3 different places on the floor and all over her bed.
She dropped a load as well.
All over the carpet and herself.
Then she took all of her and Faith's diapers and threw them in the crib on top of her sister.

All 5 minutes before my sister in law and nephew walked in.

So, I was pissy for hours afterwards.
I did manage to laugh histerically when Faith knocked over her Daddy's cup of Mountian Dew when we were all sitting outside and he was taking a break from mowing.
Jamie ( my SIL) was crying from laughing so hard
He acted like he was melting and had to run inside and change.......
So he could finish mowing the lawn.
I guess it's important to be freash and clean while mowing.
God bless him...

I guess I don't know what to do anymore.

Grace has ripped down all of the Tinker Bell border in thier bedroom over the last 2 months ( not the first time as you can see) and 3 nights ago she got in the crib with the baby and managed to pull down the valance on one of the windows.......

I'll tell you one thing though, she's like aspirin for my baby fever.
Yes, that's right - I have baby fever yet again....

No. we aren't planning on another one for YEARS, but I still would like one.
I'm back on the pill and I know that my body just couldn't handel another pregnancy for a long while...
Being on my "death bed" twice ( According to the nurses, not me...I think I was fine) with Grace and then with Faith, and the loss of Emma has taught me at least that much.
But the heart wants what it wants..
So, someone have a baby for me, ok?

Good luck potty training it.

Any sugestions?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

" And then the whole night just went to shit...."

I have to write about this, however as I started, I realized that I'm just not ready to do it today.....
Tomorrow I will enlighten you on how my children are Fecalfeliacs.....but not right now.

Who says you can't learn anything from South Park? I learned the word Fecalfeliac.

Try hard to contain your excitement.....

My new hair....

No make up and chipmunk cheeks....

Wooohooo. I'm one hot momma!

5 days before her 1st birthday....She's come a long way

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Oh if they only knew the truth....

I love that the people I work with think that I'm a quiet.
I'm well reserved.
An EXCELLENT Role Model for young girls......


That's what I'm paid for.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Because I'm a freak like that.....

Dear Internets,
You've never steered me wrong before, so I'm laying it out there for you all once again. Let me know what you think....

So, does anyone else have people from their past that they wonder about? I'm talking about ex's here, people.
Well, I admit that I do. .
I've been lucky enough to where I still have pretty good friendships with my former boyfriends ( Thank God, there aren't that many).

I don't spend hours pondering on memory lane, but it does cross my mind every now and then. How are they? Are they happy? Has life been good to them? Those sort of things...
Well, there's really only 2 people I ever thought about like that. Both ex-fiance's( As we all know, Randy was lucky number 3).
One of them I've been in contact with for about the last 9 months ( seeing as he's still dating an old friend of mine). We all hang out every now and then.
And it's all good. I consider him a friend and I'm thankful for our past, because it helped me be the person I am today.
And the other ex, well, not so much.
A few weeks ago I had a dream about him outta the blue, which BTW led to this post.
I prayed that all was well in his life where ever he was.
But it all made me wonder.
Then unexpectedly this weekend I got my answer.
By freak accident I ran into him.
And I'm happy to report that he's married and a Daddy to 2 beautiful children
It made my little heart happy.
In a strange way it was almost like I found peace in it all.

When I told him I wondered how he was sometimes, he looked puzzled.
But really, he was such a huge part of my life from the time I was 18-22, I wondered how I COULDN'T ?!?!

We didn't talk long, but it was nice that I didn't hear " I hate you. Get the fuck away from me."
But, really, why should it matter?
What if he wasn't happy?
What if he would have said that?
Would I feel like shit?
Am I abnormal in that aspect?

It's not like I'm in love with these people anymore.
I could never EVER be as happy as I am with anyone, but Randy.

Regardless, I counted it as a blessing and I thanked God for it.
I'm so glad that all is well.
I mean, really.
I just want everyone happy.

Does that sound strange?
Dear Internets, what do you think?

Sunday, May 21, 2006


You will all be happy to know that I still own these pajama pants, but I can't wear them without walking out of them.

Well, that was a great idea

Note to self: Next time you want to go shopping and stop and get a VERY LARGE frozen coffee drink make sure it isn't 8pm when you do it. Also, finishing the drink at 12:30am on your way home is not such a hot plan.

I was sick all fucking night.

Too much caffeine too late at night made my tummy get all sorts of pissed off.
Well, that and the beer.
Mixed with the Zoloft.
I wasn't even drunk and it kicked my ass.
I went to bed this morning around 9 and slept until 5pm.


So, my plans for cleaning the house, going to the cemetery, and a conformation party were all shot to shit.

I spent the night reading my blog from the beginning( All while running to the bathroom like every 5 minutes). And I have now come to a conclusion- I was way funnier when I was knocked up.


Go back and read things from around a year ago and you'll agree.

Some of that stuff is classic.

I gotta find a way to get my mojo back WITHOUT being pregnant.

Also, I noticed I don't swear as much as I used too.

I think that has more to do with me REALLY watching what I say all the time because of Grace.

So, I threw a few colorful words in this post to make myself feel better.

You're all welcome.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Back by popular demand...

Flicker has FINALLY been updated.

Just a few of the reasons that I'm an asshole today

1. I totally spaced off my parents wedding anniversary. I was sitting at there house and they reminded me..... Nice.

2. My kids we're driving me crazy today.
So, I went out with Jenn and ran into an old friend who doesn't get to see him kids all the time because he's working in a different state.
So, there I am, bitching about how my kids we're driving me nuts.
That just screams asshole.

3. While at the bar, I walked outta the stall to find that I was in the MEN'S Bathroom.
I didn't notice the urinal when I walked in....
However, I did notice that there was a man in there taking a piss as I was walking out...

Jenn and I had an AWESOME time though. We went to a little bar that had karaoke and I TOTALLY rocked the song Hemorrhage by Fuel.
And I won a free drink.
Also, I was spotted by someone I went to high school with ( I had no idea who the hell he was) and he told me how I was " Fucking hilarious in Spanish class"
Spanish is kinda a blur to me. I think I might have skated by with a D-.
I hated Spanish.
However, I got warm fuzzies in my tummy to know that someone remembered me.
Maybe I'm not such an asshole after all.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


Everything was quiet last night.
All the girls we're all having a good night.
I had a meeting with the shift managers and they all seemed surprised that I came back.
They all said that the night before was the worst night that they'd ever had while working there.
I just shrugged it off.

Maybe it's because I've seen worse working with hospice patients.
It's the smell of things that get to me.
Anyone who has ever worked with really sick people would understand that one.
The smell of rotting.

Well, that was a pleasant post, wasn't it?

I need to find something happy to write about.

And post some new pictures.

Maybe I'll introduce you to Abby............................

You'll just have to come back and see.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Hi ho hi ho, off to hang out with the bad ass kids I go....

Tonight should be another fun-filled night.
And just so we're all clear on what the policy is:
" There are no such things as bad children- just bad behaviors".

Got it?
BTW, I went back on weight watchers for the 5 billionth time yesterday.
I swear I never have any energy and it's killing me.
And the caffeine pills just aren't cutting it anymore.

I suppose I could go back to the gym since I paid a small fortune for it ???

Now it's just finding the time.
So, as of right now I'm setting a goal for myself :
Gym -3 times a week AT LEAST.
Even if that means I have to get up @ 5:30am to go before Randy goes to work.

So that's what's going on with me.

I know you guys want pictures of the girls...
I'm getting there, I swear.

Ok, well, I have a sink full of dishes calling my name...

Annie Out

Monday, May 15, 2006

Holy Crap

Time flies when you're having fun right? I can't believe that Faith will be one in a few weeks. I swear she was just a peanut in the NICU and weigh more than 4 pounds.
Now we're over 20 pounds with 5 teeth.
It's crazy.
Not only will Faith be 1, but that same weekend will mark 2 years since we lost Emma.

God works in mysterious ways.
I don't try to understand it

"Welcome to the Jungle we got fun and games..."

The weekend went well.
Work was educational. I think I learned some new words and at least one new song called " I don't give a Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!! Back the fuck up outta my face. Ya'll aint got shit on me!!"
And then you break some light fictures.

Did I mention I'm on an all girls unit where the ages range from 11-17?

Good times, people.
Good times.

At least it's interesting!!

I can't wait to go back tomorrow.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Long Overdue....

Alright people, tell me how you work " normal" hours and then come home and funtion? Like play with the kids, clean and laundary?

Thank you GOD!! Today was my last day of Preservice Workshops for my new job.
I've never been more proud to be part of a organization than I am right now.
AND They're all about sending me back to school. I was happy to find out that 2 different locations wanted me.
It gives me that warm fuzzy feeling, ya know?
I will be working with the kids that are needing the HIGHEST level of Behavioral help...
I learned how to do "team holds" yesterday...
I finally start "shadowing" this weekend...
It'll be interesting.....

So, how are you guys?

For My Jennifer....... She's gonna be the only one who understands this post...

Happy Birthday, you hooker. I love you. I owe you everything....
Pertaining to our conversation we had today, I found this song by Blue October and thought it was fitting.
From Both sides.........

Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I started my new job this week. I LOVE IT. I'll be working as a Behavoiral Health Tech. The training is so intense it's unbelievable. Also, for a change, I'm working 8am -5pm during training. I was driving home yesterday and thought to myself, How the hell do people do this everyday? It's been a long time since I worked "normal" hours. I came home and told Randy that and he laughed and told me that he was wondering how I stayed home with the kids everyday.
I can't wait to get back to overnights!

We went out for dinner on Monday night and I told Grace that we would go get ice cream if she ate all her dinner ( BTW, I'm spoiling the kids rotten this week since I don't get to see them as much and I feel guilty)

So we're driving home and Grace, from the back seat says: " Mommy, I'm making fuck with my ice cream"

Dead silence in the car.
I look at Randy.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY GRACE?!?!?!?!?" he asked

Umm, yeah.
We heard her right the first time.

And I KNOW how very WRONG it was, but I started laughing so hard I was crying.....For 10 minutes.

We corrected her and she apologized, but I have to wonder where she gets it from.