Monday, July 31, 2006

"...They try to catch me ridin' dirty."

I swear every time we got in the car over the weekend, Faith dropped a load........

I now remember why we drive overnight when we go to Texas....

5 hours
1 car ( during the DAY)
1 1 year old
1 3 year old
1 broken bottle
No Fricken Walmart OR Target in sight for 2 hours

Enough said

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Time for one more......I was a good Catholic School Girl once

Catholic School girls

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all died.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks
the first girl,
"Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies,
"Well, I once touched the head of onewith the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says,
"Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and
pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,
" Jennifer, have youever had any contact with a male organ?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies,
"Well, once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says,
"Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and passthrough the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.
One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front, St.Peter says,
"Reeva, What seems to be the rush ?
"The girl replies,
"If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, Iwant to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have way to much free time on our hands.......
We're putting off packing...


And this is 5 minutes of dumb, yet funny.

I don't make this shit up, people!!!

ok, seriously - I have to go pack......

Dora the Explorer Reported Missing

OVER-THE-MOUNTAIN, Calif. (DPI) - Intrepid preschool adventurer Dora the Explorer was reported missing early this morning. Mrs. The Explorer called police when she realized Dora's backpack was still hanging on the back of her chair at the kitchen table. "She keeps a map in her backpack -- how will she find her way around without her map?" she said. Local police tried to interview Boots, Dora's constant companion, but there is speculation that he is also missing. Authorities wish to interview Swiper the Fox, but caution that he has not been named a suspect. Parties with any information on Dora should go across the river and through the tunnel to the big brick police station. (Reported by Jody LaFerriere)
I'm going out of town for the weekend for my cousin's wedding.
The flu has been kicking my ass.
Maybe it's karma saying " Don't fuck with Dora anymore!"

I never did like being told what to do.

I said it was a secret!

Now, Jenna, my dear, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you, now would it?


I win

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I swear - Boots said it - NOT ME

Voy a comer la panocha de tu madre

Chupame la verga, prostituta

Chupa mis grandes huevos..

Really, I could do this forever, but even I have my limits....
Feel free to check out the rest yourself.

Even I'll admit I'm going over the line.....But if I didn't, who would?

I think this is where they go into the crack house ( oh so cleverly disguised as a animal rescue shelter) and play the Dirty Sanchez game.

Anti-Dora song ( to the tune of "Complicated" by Avrial Lavigne)

Swiper no swiping
Come on Bobados
Swiper no swiping
Chill Boots
What you yelling for?
We've sailed a chocolate pond before
And if you don't shut up now
You'll die...POW!
Well, I guess it's too late
Boots in his grave will be laid
That annoying monkey
Will no longer breathe
Tell me...
Why ya have to go and make
Map so complicated?
Speaking Spanish
At random points in the show
So I just feel jaded
Yeah, my shows like this
Swiper swipes,
Boots jumps
Music plays,
Map sings
Mountains talk,
Dora was jumped
Wait a sec, no she wasn't
Sorry kids bye bye to the explorer
It's Dora's Grand Theft Auto
She comes to Map unnanounced
Dressed up to rob his house
And if the little kiddies could see
This on TV
They'd follow your every commandJ
ust say you're a thief
Grand Theft Auto Dora
Sure seems cool to me
Tell me
Why'd they have to go and make meso over-rated
I'm telling you
That other boy got Dora pregant
Oopsies..who's the Daddy?
Is it Map?
Is it Boots?I
s it Swiper?
Is it Squireel?
Is it Troll?
And the DNA tes
tWell, it seems that Boots was Daddy
Killing spreeBang bangBang bangBang bangBang bangBang bangBang bang
Chill kids, what ya crying for?
Never seen Dora talk trash before
That's cause I'm the witch
And you're my b*tch!
I'm somebody else
Round everyone else
But then late at nightI become a fright
Prepare your young eyes
For homicidal Dora
Yeah yeah!
Why ya gotta go and get an 47.Colt revolver
Are you gonna go blow away some more
Yeah yeah
With a nuke
And a key
And a fuse
And a bomb
And some flaming dog crap
I'm gonna go on a killing spreeBang bang bang...

So, I don't know if it all fits, but it's still some funny shit.......
This is where my husband found it... I bet you thought I wrote it, huh?
I think we all know that I would totally own up to this bitch if it was mine.......

" I'll keep you my dirty little secret..."

I know a secret!!!
It's really not dirty, though....

But, for now, my lips are sealed!!!!!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

" It's just one of those days where you don't wanna wake up, everything is fucked, everybody sucks........."

See?!??! I am trying to post more.
However, today I'm in a pissy mood and don't want to write about it ( you know, in order not to piss anyone else off).

AND I just found out that kick ass concert we WERE going to go to on the 30th isn't gonna work out cause we'll still be outta town for my cousins wedding.
So, I'm just gonna take some stupid quiz ........................
You Are 60% Normal
Otherwise known as the normal amount of normalYou're like most people most of the timeBut you've got those quirks that make you endearingYou're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!
How Normal Are You?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Awwwww, Look! Satan has a doll now....How very exciting!

I bet you if you push her tummy she sings " Do Do Do Do Do Dumb-ass! Do Do Do Do Do Dumb-ass..........Has anyone seen that stupid fucking monkey?"

It's gone to shit...

Randy was sitting here with me yesterday and said
" So, does no one comment on on your blog any more?"

No...No, they don't. And really, I can't blame you.
It's really gone to shitsince I started my current job.
Not having 12 hours a night to sit in front of a computer puts a damper on things.

So, since I have lost everyone, I'm gonna put up some eye candy for me :o)

12 more days until River Riot!!!

We're going to a sweet-ass Concert on the 30th!!!!

Calling You ( For my Randy)

"There's something I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said it a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away

So expect me to be Calling you to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile[

I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreamingI
f you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me
I thought that the world had lost it's sway
It's so hard sometimes
Then I fell in love with you

Then came you
And you took that away
It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you

So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you
I only want to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking "if you love me"
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

"They have a cream for that"

My brother is in town from overseas ( YEA!!!!!!!!!). He got in yesterday afternoon.
However, I haven't talked to him yet, cause I've been working.
He called today when I was sleeping and left me this message:
" Uhhhhhh, my balls are itching...Yes, they are...."

It's good to have the sicko back in town.

Monday, July 17, 2006


Today is my Grandpa's 71st birthday.
He seriously rocks.
He's one of the funniest people alive.
He can't sit still for very long - he's quit social.
He goes to church every morning and then meets up with his friends for coffee.
Then he goes biking.
He's got a billion women banging on his door, but he's content living the life of a widow.
There was only one woman for him, and she's been gone for almost 10 years..
He just has " lady friends".

I could have never asked for a better Grandfather.
He's the only grandparent I have left, and I'm thankful for him everyday.
I'm pretty sure that I ended up as kick ass as I am because he's so kick ass.

He's taking me fishing, taught me how to shoot a gun, and took me camping almost every weekend when I was little.
He always bought me watermelon, KFC coleshaw( Which I called "grass" until I was 6), and kissed me one the head when it was bedtime.
He calmed me down when I was 11 and got my one and only tic ( Ewwwwwwww - We were camping). I think I might have had a brain hemmorage if he wouldn't have known what to do.

My Grandpa is my Super Hero.

What else can I say? He's my favorite.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


The last week has been soooooooooo long.
Randy's mom is here from Texas and she brought our 9 year old niece and 8 year old nephew with her.
They're all staying with us.
Not that I mind- I love having a full house and doing the "mom thing", but I'm MoFo exhausted!
Work has been crazy.
In the last 5 days I've been assaulted by one of the BIGGER girls ( 16 blows to the back and the back of the head) and been accused of being a child molester.
The party is never ending.

I still love my job, though.

The other night we went out with some friends when I got off of work and somehow or another I got trashed.
So, at 1:30am I thought it would be a GREAT idea for everyone to come back to my house and hang out in the backyard.
I think we were in the back for all of 3 minutes before I " decorated" the yard and the driveway with everything I drank the previous 3 hours.
When the hell did I get so old?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Do Do Do Do Do Do dead... I drowned her in the bathtub..

Simmer down....I saved her stupid ass after 20 minutes......

An oxymoron?

My nighttime pills