Thursday, August 31, 2006

It comes in three's

We got a call last night that Randy's " estranged" grandfather is on his death bed.
It looks like we'll be going back to Texas in the very soon future.
If anything, so that my husband can meet his uncles, his dad's brother's, who he, or his dad, ever met.

I'm bitter.
Long story short- his grandfather walked out on his grandmother when his dad was 3 and went off and started a new family that never acknowledged Randy's dad, Randy Sr.
Granny got remarried to Grandpa Charlie, who rasied Randy Sr. as his own.
Then Grandpa Charlie died, and Granny remarried Grandpa John...again.
Then Randy Sr. died.
He still had never met his brothers.

One of them sent a plant funeral.
A PLANT!
How very sweet.

Anyways, They got divorced ( again), and things are just weird.


Death happens in 3's

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

So.....Today, I totally fucked up....Big time.

* Deleted by me, cause, well, shit happens......*

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Beatdown.........



Last night, I got hit at work.
bruised ribs suck-
BIG TIME.

What makes it even better?
It was a 6 year old that put the smack down.

Still love my job, though. :o)

Monday, August 28, 2006

What the hell is the world coming to?



Yesterday, just for kicks, I ACTUALLY wore, of my own free will, a skirt, a black sleeve-less top, and strappy shoes.
I was a totally hottie.

Yes, I passed up jeans and a sweatshirt.


Now, close your mouths.

PostSecret Favorites from this week....


Someone finally listened

I no longer have a Dirty Little Secret.
I'd like to make a very important announcement.
* CLEARS THROAT*

Our friends, Jenna and Justin got Jenna knocked up.
WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!


Justin, you aren't a very good liar.

I'm tired of acting like I didn't know.
Jenna, it wasn't really his fault. I started bugging him about making me a baby, and well, he isn't a good at lying to me.

Jenna, I hope your stress level goes down now that your sister's wedding is over.

Low stress levels are best for cooking a baby!!!!

Hance

So, yesterday we were driving to lunch, after taking the girls to feed the duckies at a local park, and I was flipping through the radio stations, and stopped when I heard a song I THOUGHT I liked

" I think this is the only TOOL song that I like", I told Randy.

"What about Sober? I thought you liked that song too?"

"Oh, yeah, and Sober....I think I like this song more, though."

" Really?!", he said, giving me that " are you fucking with me " look.

" Ummm, yeah, I think so. I don't listen to a lot of Tool". ( We All know that, right? RIGHT!)

" Do you know what this song is about?!?!?", he asked me

" Noooooo", I replied.

" He's talking about fisiting someone up the ass!"

" WHAT?!?!?!?!", I said, feeling dirty.

" Yeah, the name of the song is STINKFIST. I'm sure it has some kind of political meaning behind it, but I never cared to find out"


I sat and listen to the rest of the song, feeling the dirtiest I ever had, fighting the urge to not throw up in my purse.
Who the FUCK writes a song about fisting up someone up the ass?!?!?
AND WHY, OH WHY, DOES MY HUSBAND KNOW THIS?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Hance, people.
Hance.

It rhymes with anus.

Disgusting.

I'm off to listen to the Dixie Chicks or something..

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Don't be silly


After 15 emails, let me clear it up the confusion.
NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT.

Randy and I are still hoping to become family teachers in the spring, and in order to do so, we can only have 2 of our own children.

That's why I'm pushing everyone else to have babies.

Right now, my uterus is closed for business.
How depressing :o(

Words of wisdom


1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Gotta Love Postsecret.

This isn't my secret, but I understand it.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Stupid shit you though when you were knee high to a grasshopper...

We had a nice family night ( once I changed out of my pj's after dinner) .

We decided to just drive around and ended up at a lake with a TON of geese and ducks, so we went to the store, got a couple loafs of bread, and went to feed them.

On the way home, Randy and I started swapping stories of things we thought when we were little.

When I was little, my parents took me to feed the ducks, too.
I asked my Dad one day if we could go feed them, and he told me that they went inside for the winter. So, in my little 4 year old head, I envisioned all the ducks, chillin' on a bed, inside the little office, socks half off, watching football on TV, and drinking beer.
I have no idea where that came from.



Randy thought that when it was a person's time to " go to heaven", the police came and shot them in their front yard. He assumed that's how his Grandfather died ( he really passed in his sleep) until he was 13.

I, on the other hand, must have been way more stupid than he was.

I told the nuns in my pre-school class that we needed to pray for my cat, because he was going to the Dr to get his " toy box" taken out.
My grandmother explained it to me that way ( She was a fucking riot).
My parents got a phone call.
I also told them how " My Mommy likes to drink wine".
In her defense, she did have me for a kid..... I would have drank too.

When I was 4, I got locked in a bathroom at a park, where my uncle was playing soccer. I literally " envisioned" my whole life living in that bathroom. That was a scary 7 minutes, I tell ya.

And last, but not least, when the movie Beetlejuice came out, my Dad took me and my brother to see it. It was an attempt to get us out of the house so my mom could make this really cute bunny cake for Easter the next day ( BTW, My Mom's cake was wayyyy cuter than that picture)
Anyways, I was totally bored during that movie, and was playing with a button off of my shirt, and SWALLOWED IT.
I was almost in tears, cause I didn't think I would ever be able to have babies. I figured that the button would get stuck somewhere....
God, I was a fertile dumbass, but just didn't know it.


So, Dear internets, What stupid things did you think when you were a kid?

Are you above average?

Since I was lazy today, and hung out in my pajamas, I watched Montel.
I was shocked to find that Dr. Debbie reported that statistics show that most married couples have sex 68.5 times a year...
Just a little over once a week..
68.5 times A YEAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
That's just craziness, I tell you.
Craziness.

I'm bound and determined not to be a statistic!
I'm pretty sure we aren't, but now I'm on a mission.
How about you?

Like the kids at work say, " I don't give a f***!!!!!!"


My mom came over around 1pm today to drop off our stroller.
I was sitting on the couch, talking to my neighbor ( well, writing in a notebook. She's deaf and I don't know sign language yet) and our daughters were playing.
" It's nice to see you got dressed today", my mother said.
I was sitting there in my PJ's.

I don't care.
Today is my day off. I still got up this morning, made breakfast, played with the girls, made lunch, read to them, and THEN made dinner ahead of time.
I did the dishes, and already packed the cooler for Randy, cause he's taking the girls to the zoo when he gets home, so I can clean.
I changed Faith, and put her down for a nap.
Grace was on her way to nap too, except then our neighbors came over.

AND It's not really even a whole day off, cause I'm working tonight from 8:30p-12:30am taking care of a hospice patient. Yeah, I started doing hospice work again, part time.

So, no, I didn't get dressed today, because I don't have to.

I'm going to read a little.
Crochay a little
Smoke a few cigarettes, and play on the internet.
Then scrub the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom, and work on the laundry.
I probably won't shower and change out of my pajamas until 5pm or so ( *GASP*..The HORROR!!!)
I don't think my mom has ever stayed in her pajamas past 8am.
What a waste!
I would LIVE in my pj's if I could.
And I am not ashamed.
Can I get an AMEN!?!?!?!?


Just call me lazy.
I will always be a disapointment..Oh well, I got over it

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Desperately Hoping..Start knockin'' the boots, people.

Baby fever is at an all time high right now.
While in Texas, I was constantly tried to steal our Cousin's 5 week old son, Sam.
He liked me.
I liked him.
His Daddy, Daniel, said in his cute southern accent, " I'm watching you, girl. Don't be thinking about taking that baby home with you."
To which I assured him thatwe could make out some kind of visitation arraignment - They could visit Baby Sam one weekend a year.
However, I was veto-ed out.
Asshats.
:o(
So, I'm secretly making ( well, I was until I wrote that)baby blankets for our friends and family members, hoping that they'll take the hint and make me a baby.
Justin, Jenna, Courtney, Jonathan, Bill, Jamie, Crystal, and Matt - You're all on my list, BITCHES!!!!!

Is it sad that I actually prayed that brother knocked up my sister in law while he was home from overseas, on vacation?

I know - *SHOCKER*, Annie does pray...I PRAY more than once a day.
I even go to church.

Now, close your mouth and go make me baby, DAMNIT!!!!!

More Examples of our fine parenting skills


Wait............
Grace has a new song she loves to sing
" WAAAAAITTTTT - I'M COMING UNDONE....IRATE....I'M COMING UNDONE..."

I mean, who doesn't love it when their 3 year old belts out KORN in the grocery store??!!?
I DON'T.
That was all her Daddy.
***************************************************************************************
Grace's Version of Ring Around the Rosey

"Ring around the pussy.
Pocket full of pussy.
Asses, Asses - WE all fall down!"

In her defense, she isn't trying to make it dirty.
She still has some trouble with her R's, S's and P's.

It's damn funny, though.

****************************************************************************************
War of the Crayons

Grace was sitting one the couch holding a little 4 pack of crayons she got somewhere.
Faith went over and took them from her, and Grace didn't notice- She was too busy watching Dora try to get to BrokeBack Mountain( or something like that - I tune out when it comes to Dora).
Anyways, So I took them from Faith, and Grace didn't notice for about 5 minutes.
" HEYYYY!! I want my fucking crayons back, Mommy!"
I froze like a deer in headlights, looked up from the blanket I was crocheting, and gave her the evil eye.
"Maria Grace, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
To which she gave me the biggest Shit eating grin EVER and replied,
" Mommy, may I please have my crayons back?"
Little turd.

I getting her this shirt for Christmas.


Why do I feel the need to post these stories on the internet?
Feel free to send hate mail :o)

Wednesday, August 16, 2006



We left our house for Texas @ 12:30am Friday morning.
It's a miracle in itself that we actually had all our laundry done, so packing took all of 20 minutes.
We made a quick stop at Walmart for pull-up's and milk and hit the road.
At 6:30am we blew a tire on the Highway, outside of Oklahoma.
We spent the next 2 hours at Wal-Mart, waiting for it to get fixed.
We didn't get to Randy's home town until 6:30pm( we moved 34 miles in 1 hour once we were in Dallas - I HATE DALLAS!!!!).
His Great Grandmother died that morning while we were on the road.
She would have been 90 next month.

Everything was already planned, but it's a small town with only one funeral home, and there had been a car accident a few days before, so they were "full".
As we were on the way to the cemetery Monday afternoon, EVERY SINGLE CAR pulled over to the side of the road in respect. Even the 18 wheelers .
It's was amazing.
I love his home town.
I would move there in a minute if we could.
Everyone is so nice and southern-y.
IT's so peaceful.
We sit outside in rocking chairs at night and just take it all in.
BUT the job market sucks, and we'd be broke, so it's back to Crack Town.
Thank you to everyone for all the emails and support.
You guys are awesome.

I'll be back to my regular smart-ass self tomorrow
Granny Thomas holding Faith, on her 1st visit to Texas, a month out of the NICU

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

We're back. There was NO TIME to post when we were there.
We're all exhausted. I'll post more tomorrow. But overall, things went well. Granny Thomas looked beautiful. Everyone is doing ok with it, for the most part. The people of Texas continue to amaze me. My mother in law breaks my heart by crying every time we leave. I hate seeing her in the driveway, bawling.
Got home this morning @ 10am and had to work @ 3pm....Over slept.

I'm glad this day is over.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

We're out.....

Randy's Great Grandmother is being taken off her vent in the morning...
I just got home from work and we're leaving for Texas in about 30 minutes....
I'll post more from Texas.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Blue Squiddo, WE can too!!!!.......NOT




So, I think that Nick Jr tries to make my life more difficult.
Blue just got a baby brother, Sprinkles.
Grace now wants a baby brother named Steve.
Fucking excellent.
Try explaining to a 3 year old that it's just not as simple as going to Puppyville and picking one up.

This really sucks, and I'm just not ready to relive it quite yet.
Good times, Good Times....

I'll be the first to admit that I have baby fever..

I love kids. I'd have 50 if I could, but I can't.

And since I have the pelvis of an 11 year old boy, I don't shoot babies out of my cho-cha, they are CUT OUT OF ME, AND IT HURTS AFTER THE 1ST ONE!

Fuckin' Nick Jr.........................

Check them out..

So, lately I've been all about the band, Hinder.
They're pretty kick ass.
The whole CD is A+

My favorite song is Bliss( I don't want to know)


I always did have a thing for bad boys with tattoos

Monday, August 07, 2006

" I'm bringing sexy back..."


While watching the *NEW* Justin Timberlake video the other day, I looked at Randy and said,

" Do you think Britney ever watches this video, looks over at Kev-Kev, and thinks, "Damn, I fucked up"."?

To which my Sweet Randy replies,

" I don't know what's more disturbing.-
The fact that you think about that, or that you felt the need to say that out loud."

I'm shallow, people.
Shallow.


But, HELLOOOOOO?!?!?!?!?
Have you seen the video?
Who wouldn't like a song that's says "Dirty babe... You see these shackles, Baby, I'm your slave.. I'll let you whip me if I misbehave... It's just that no one makes me feel this way "

Kinda sad that my 28th Birthday is right around the corner and I don't seen any type of growth in the maturity department since last year

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Maybe I was a little more upset than I thought....

While I was loading my iPod last night, I listened to this song, and started crying.

God, I'm a baby.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday

I have today off.
Work asked if I would work a overnight tomorrow night instead.
LOVE IT.
Overnights are a cake walk.
Leaves me lots of reading time.

So, Since it's Friday night, Randy and I are going to lay on the couch and watch movies and play scrabble and boggle ( which he spanks my ass in every effin' time).

Like I said, it's the little things that make me the happiest :o)

We were supposed to have my nephew for a few days, but we got veto-ed out by a grandparent. Well, and runor has it that Jamie thought we forgot ( NO WE DIDN'T....Randy's just ...well, you know..- We remembered, I swear)
Also, my brother went back oversea's......Without saying goodbye.... He's a douche.
I thought he was here for another week.
It makes me really sad that we aren't as close as we used to be...I'm sure I'm to blame for part of it...But it still breaks my heart just a little, ya know?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Add it to your Netfix, Bitches~

This was one of the best movie's I've seen in a loooooooooonnnnnngggggggg ass time.
Loved it.
I hope I can be like Mama Stone when my kids are al grown up :o)

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

LaMe-O

There's something to be said about coming home and googling Dora the Explorer for over an hour, but not e-mailing your friends.....
Go ahead....You can say it.

BUT, in my defense - I was in a REALLY BAD MOOD!

I really just suck these days

Liquid Candy For My Mouth

This stuff is the best.
I Love it with all my heart...Well, as much as you can love a drink, I suppose...
It's the small things in life that make me the happiest ( Well, You all know what I mean, right? That's not at all a reference to my husband's "unit", which BTW is NOT small, however it makes me happy, and in a way is candy for my mouth as well....Think I crossed the line again....).


I'm such a nerd.
Sleeping next to Randy makes everything all better....
No longer in a pissy mood...
Although, I haven't gone to work yet, so things are open to change...........

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

More Proof...........

Tool of Satan

HAHAHA!!! I knew it

Random ...............



One Happy Thing...

Tonight I got a comment from Amy, which is proof that she isn't dead..
And that my friends makes me VERY happy.

This my dear Amy is for you :o)

Why my day sucked


Everything after 2:30pm today just fucking blew...

The 1st day back after 5 days off sucks.

Finding out that you're not where you usually are at work sucks ( worked with the young kids tonight ....ages 7-11)

Being surrounded by utter chaos for 8 hours blows.

Being blown off for a possible booty call by a friend tops it all off.


I'm going to bed so this fucking night will be over.

I hate it when I'm this fucking pissy....It pisses ME off.

FUCK!