Monday, August 21, 2006

Stupid shit you though when you were knee high to a grasshopper...

We had a nice family night ( once I changed out of my pj's after dinner) .

We decided to just drive around and ended up at a lake with a TON of geese and ducks, so we went to the store, got a couple loafs of bread, and went to feed them.

On the way home, Randy and I started swapping stories of things we thought when we were little.

When I was little, my parents took me to feed the ducks, too.
I asked my Dad one day if we could go feed them, and he told me that they went inside for the winter. So, in my little 4 year old head, I envisioned all the ducks, chillin' on a bed, inside the little office, socks half off, watching football on TV, and drinking beer.
I have no idea where that came from.

Randy thought that when it was a person's time to " go to heaven", the police came and shot them in their front yard. He assumed that's how his Grandfather died ( he really passed in his sleep) until he was 13.

I, on the other hand, must have been way more stupid than he was.

I told the nuns in my pre-school class that we needed to pray for my cat, because he was going to the Dr to get his " toy box" taken out.
My grandmother explained it to me that way ( She was a fucking riot).
My parents got a phone call.
I also told them how " My Mommy likes to drink wine".
In her defense, she did have me for a kid..... I would have drank too.

When I was 4, I got locked in a bathroom at a park, where my uncle was playing soccer. I literally " envisioned" my whole life living in that bathroom. That was a scary 7 minutes, I tell ya.

And last, but not least, when the movie Beetlejuice came out, my Dad took me and my brother to see it. It was an attempt to get us out of the house so my mom could make this really cute bunny cake for Easter the next day ( BTW, My Mom's cake was wayyyy cuter than that picture)
Anyways, I was totally bored during that movie, and was playing with a button off of my shirt, and SWALLOWED IT.
I was almost in tears, cause I didn't think I would ever be able to have babies. I figured that the button would get stuck somewhere....
God, I was a fertile dumbass, but just didn't know it.

So, Dear internets, What stupid things did you think when you were a kid?


Corrie said...

I thought...I thought...wait, I'm still laughing about the button...

Sharpie said...

My dad told us that if we swallowed gum it would stay there forever - ya know accumulating into a huge ball of gum by the time you were an adult.

He also told me there were spiders in the hose. I still won't drink out of the hose.

notasoccermom said...

I still believe the spider in the hose thing. YUCK! My luck, it would be a fucking snake and I would drop dead from a heart attack right there in the yard.