Wednesday, October 18, 2006

This and that

I know I haven't been posting much.
Our computer sucks ass and my husband tried to kill me, which resulted in my spending massive amounts of time on the toilet, leaving me little computer time.
You see, the other day I was feeling a little "backed up"( thank you Runza) and sent Randy out for Ex lax.
He brought home this little chocolate bar and said to eat it.
And so I did.
My husband, however, misread the directions.
It DID NOT say to eat one bar, it said to eat ONE PIECE of the chocolate bar.
Lets just say that once I got to work I told one of the nurses what happened and she called poison control.
It was a rough night.
I left work @ 2am, puking and shitting my brains out.
Good times, Good times.
And the party didn't end until this morning.
So, I'm not even going to bother with updating my scale tracker at the top, cause it won't be right, anyway

My husband tried to kill me.
He's on my shit list.

Also, we are quiting smoking.
We're doing the patch.
So, I will tell you all now that I will be taking a leave of absence from posting until November 1, 2006.
Being on the computer is one of my " triggers", so I'm taking a break from the Internet for a while.

I'd love to say that I'm throwing myself into working out, however my fucking gym, that let me all remind you, I paid $900 for a 2 year membership 8 months ago, CLOSED LAST WEEK!!!!
ugh! Totally pissed!!!
Ok, everyone take care, I'll be back soon!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Beauty isn't everything...

So, did you see the last episode of Flavor of Love last night???!?!?!
My predictions came true - Crazy ass New York did the walk of shame !!!!! FOR THE SECOND TIME!!!!!!!
Love it!
It goes to show you the even the most beautiful women can have hell in her heart, and it makes her ugly!
I * heart* Deelishis.
Totally the better pick!

***Doin' the happy dance!!***

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Ever have those days where you feel like a failure as a parent?
I had one yesterday.
Our 3 year old, Grace, drove me to tears.
She is destroying everything.
The blinds in her room are trashed.
She broke her toddler bed by jumping on it.
She broke Faith's crib by continuously climbing into it.
When we give her a sippy cup when she lays down, she spits it on the floor.
She LOVE LOVE LOVES to take every single piece of clothing out of her dresser and toss it around.
All in all, the kid is driving me nuts.
So, I yell.
Then I cry.
Then I call my mom and she says, " She needs more structure than you're providing.."
Again, feeling like a HUGE failure as a mother.
I wish I was SuperMom, but I'm not.
My sister( In law, so it's not in my genes) is SuperMom, and I guess I envy that.
She goes to school full-time,is preparing for Pharmacy school, takes care of her VERY LARGE, BEAUTIFUL home, and raises a happy little boy, while my brother is workin' hard over sea's.
And I'm pretty sure she has like a 4.0 on top of everything.
And she's BEAUTIFUL.
Again, feeling like a failure.

Maybe my mom is right. We don't provide enough structure. But honestly, we're doing the best that we can.
I have to work.
Randy has to work.

I'm sure Grace is bored. And she's 3.
So, as of now, we no longer take naps, since this is when most of the chaos happens.
I'm also considering leaving my part-time hospice job. I didn't think that the lady I take care of would last this long, but I've come to the conclusion that she will outlive us all.
It's hard to walk away from easy money, especially when money used to be a huge deal ( it's gotten better, but I'm always afraid), but my sanity can't take much more.
Right now, I have 1 day a week off, and I spend it sleeping.
More than anything, I just want happy kids, you know?
And honestly, I just don't think it's possible here.
Not in this tiny house.
Not in this state.

I think back to when I've seen them the happiest, when we've been the happiest, and it's in Texas.

That's all for now

Monday, October 09, 2006

Bummed out

I totally thought last night was the big decision on The Flavor of Love..
It was a recap.
Now I have to wait another week
Damn it!

I hope it will make the Walk of Shame that the Crazy-ass New York does even sweetier.
That woman is just not nice person.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Ignorance is Bliss

While walking by the laudry room last night, I mention to Randy that the cat boxes needed to be changed.

" Speaking of the laundry room", he replied, " I have something I should tell you..."

" Uh, okay, what?" I said

" We had a snake. I found it about 3 weeks ago. Came in from the Sub pump.."

"WH-WHA-WHAT!!!! You're just now telling me?!?!"

" Well, I tried to catch it, but it went under the dryer....."


" Because I knew you'd have this reaction...Abby( our 6 month old kitten) found it, hurt it pretty bad, and I found it on a pile of Grace's clothes about a week ago,
and took it out...It's gone so don't worry."

" If you EVER think that I'll ever do laundry again you are sadly, sadly mistaken."

A FUCKING SNAKE....IN MY BASEMENT...Where the computer is...
If I stop posting, it's because I refuse to come downstairs, okay?

We all know I DO NOT DO SNAKES

Snakes are my worst PHOBIA...


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Oh, now, come the FUCK on...... I apologize to my Mother in advance for this one...

So many different responses are running through my little head...

Me, being the ever loving smart ass that I am, would have said.
" Oh, yeah? Let them suck your cock while they're at it, Asshat!"

I can just hear my Mom now
"Oh, Ann! The language!!!"

She'll light a candle for me at church on Sunday

Sendin' a little "lub" for my brother overseas

Bill, This one is for you...
I know how you "lubs" da little people..

New songs inspired by Weight Watchers

*I'm in luv wit' my Oatmeal ( I'm in Luv wit a Stripper)
" I'm in luv wit my oatmeal..It's rich, and it's creamy, it feeds me....."

* I'm Bring Chicken Back ( SexyBack)
" I'm bringin' Chicken back..Extra Crispy, you ain't gotta ask..Get me my order 'fore you get attacked..Forget the beans, and buddy watch your back...."

* My Butt don't Lie ( Hips Don't lie)
" Not on tonight, cause my butt don't lie, and the jeans, they just fit too tight.
The friction...zippers not connectin'..Can't you see baby, no circulation.....

*Eattin' Cupcakes ( Ridin' Dirty)
" You see me runnin, and closets, so they don't catch me eattin' cupcakes ( try to catch eattin' cupcakes.-Try to catch me eattin' cupcakes)."

* Eat Me ( Hate Me )
" Eat me today..Eat me tomorrow...Eat me so you can see what pepperoni does for you.."

Book Worm

Since I'm now working 10pm-8:30 I have reading like crazy.
Yes, I read.

Shut up....

Here's what was on my list the last 48 hours:

All Roads Lead to Texas - not too bad

In His Wife's Name - Okay

A Perfect Love - * YAWN*

*Wifey* - Who the hell knew Judy Blume wrote books for Adults?!?!? I couldn't put this one down

Tears of a Renegade - Pretty okay.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE working the overnight shift? Until around 7am, anyway......

You would think...

You would now that I'm working the overnight shift, some of the excitement would drop off.

Not a fucking chance.

In the last 2 days, between 7:15am - 8:30am I have been:

Threatened ( gotta love the death threats).

Pissed on.


Flashed ( repeatedly).

Hit ( again).

cleaning up piss (x2)

called a a 6 year old......

Good times, my friends.
Good times.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Guilty Pleasures

FALVA FLAV!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not help it.
I'm addicted.

Next Sunday is the last episode.
I will spend all week in suspense.

If he picks that crazy ass New York ( and if you watched last night, you'll see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree), I'll puke.

However, I would love LOVE LOVE to see her silly ass do the walk of shame when he picks Deelishus.
I *heart* her.

I know, I know....I'm shallow.

Church SHOULD NOT be stressful!!!

So, we're trying out a new church.
Grace goes to Pre-School there, and it's just down the street, so why not, right?

Except they don't have a nursery.

Grace continually slid up and down the pew, showing everyone her " puple big girl pants", and Faith, well, Faith decided to see how far she could throw her bottle about 10 times, before hitting the 101 year old woman behind us, and Randy took her out.

I don'tthink I took anything away from church yesterday...Except a headache.
Now, the question is, will we go back???

I remember going to church as a little kid.
I'm sure I wasn't always an angel.
I remember one time in particular, while sitting in the front row at Sunday mass, when my brother, who is 2 and a half years younger than me, started making shooting sounds.
When I asked him what he was doing, he simply replied,
" I'm shooting the devil into a twinkie."

I laughed so hard! I CAN STILL REMEMBER IT! I was probably only 8.
Looking back, I'm sure my mom was totally embarrassed.

Payback's are a bitch.

Sunday, October 01, 2006


As I've told you people that live inside my computer, I work in a residential Treatment Center for youth with behavioral/mental issues.
Really, what it all comes down to is that these kids, for the most part, had a shitty start in life.
Not all of them, but a majority.

So, it's not really all their fault that, at times, they can be little assholes.
However, they are in a locked down facility for a reason.

I've been there now for almost 6 months.

I never thought that I would get to the point where I don't even bat an eye lash at some the shit that goes on.

" I'm gonna fucking kill you, and then I'm gonna find your house and kill your kids, you fat, ugly bitch!!!!" - I hear this AT LEAST twice a week.


I can't believe that I've gotten to the point where I'm just like
" Yup, Kill me and my kids, got it. I'm a fat bitch..Got it"
Doesn't even phase me anymore.


Just last night I had a 14 year old boy tell me that I "smell like a French fucking whore house", and he hates it when I walk by.

I guess he doesn't like Happy Heart.

Then he told me,
" I'll fucking kill you!! I'll rip this up and shove it down your throat so you can't breathe"

Got ya, chief!

Starting tomorrow, I go to the overnight shift.

I think the death threats will drop off.