Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Disheartening

Ever have those days where you feel like a failure as a parent?
I had one yesterday.
Our 3 year old, Grace, drove me to tears.
She is destroying everything.
The blinds in her room are trashed.
She broke her toddler bed by jumping on it.
She broke Faith's crib by continuously climbing into it.
When we give her a sippy cup when she lays down, she spits it on the floor.
She LOVE LOVE LOVES to take every single piece of clothing out of her dresser and toss it around.
All in all, the kid is driving me nuts.
So, I yell.
Then I cry.
Then I call my mom and she says, " She needs more structure than you're providing.."
Again, feeling like a HUGE failure as a mother.
I wish I was SuperMom, but I'm not.
My sister( In law, so it's not in my genes) is SuperMom, and I guess I envy that.
She goes to school full-time,is preparing for Pharmacy school, takes care of her VERY LARGE, BEAUTIFUL home, and raises a happy little boy, while my brother is workin' hard over sea's.
And I'm pretty sure she has like a 4.0 on top of everything.
And she's BEAUTIFUL.
Again, feeling like a failure.


Maybe my mom is right. We don't provide enough structure. But honestly, we're doing the best that we can.
I have to work.
Randy has to work.



I'm sure Grace is bored. And she's 3.
So, as of now, we no longer take naps, since this is when most of the chaos happens.
I'm also considering leaving my part-time hospice job. I didn't think that the lady I take care of would last this long, but I've come to the conclusion that she will outlive us all.
It's hard to walk away from easy money, especially when money used to be a huge deal ( it's gotten better, but I'm always afraid), but my sanity can't take much more.
Right now, I have 1 day a week off, and I spend it sleeping.
More than anything, I just want happy kids, you know?
And honestly, I just don't think it's possible here.
Not in this tiny house.
Not in this state.

I think back to when I've seen them the happiest, when we've been the happiest, and it's in Texas.

That's all for now

3 comments:

Not Just a Mom said...

Big Hug... I had to make the decision when my girls were young that I would only work part-time and stay home with them. They were doing the same thing. They were begging for my attention and wanted the structure. My husband and I are very strict parents and the girls are teenagers now and they have done wonderfully. Don't give up... just set up rules and follow through with the displinary everytime (do not be wishy washing). Stop yelling and become mean. Use the same technique that you use in your work with the other kids.

Good Luck!

Sharpie said...

STOP beating yourself up. You are doing great. Don't judge yourself by others - you have no idea if she looses it on a regular basis - we all cope as best we can. Seriously. You want a drink??? I make great cosmos....

Mike Bacon said...

I can relate. We have a 15 yewar old with ADHD. ( I am not saying your 3 year old has ADHD) There are times when Sandy acts like your 3 year old. She was molested while in my ex-wifes care, now we have full custody. She was in a group home for almost 2 years while we fouht with the court in the state of Arizona, to get her here in Texas. She has a lot of anger issues, and lashes out at us quite a bit. Sometimes she screeches at the top of her lungs, to the point that we get concerned that the cops may show up.

That said, she is starting to get better. We got her in ROTC, and the structure there is beginning to help. SO there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I doubt any of what I am saying will help much with a 3 year old, but just know that it does get better.

Don't beat yourself up.
First of all, don't let family memebers tell or make you feel you are a failure as a parent. # year olds act out. This is normal. If you can weather the storm now, it will get better. Go on the net and find a support group, or look and see if there is one locally.

Don't try to be SUper mom. She doesn't exist. Your sister is not really her either. You only see the surface. I would be willing to bet that there are times in the privacy of her soul that she feels like a failure too. Take heartg my friend.

Mike
Come visit me at Bacon Slices
http://baconslices.blogspot.com/