DishearteningEver have those days where you feel like a failure as a parent?
I had one yesterday.
Our 3 year old, Grace, drove me to tears.
She is destroying everything.
The blinds in her room are trashed.
She broke her toddler bed by jumping on it.
She broke Faith's crib by continuously climbing into it.
When we give her a sippy cup when she lays down, she spits it on the floor.
She LOVE LOVE LOVES to take every single piece of clothing out of her dresser and toss it around.
All in all, the kid is driving me nuts.
So, I yell.
Then I cry.
Then I call my mom and she says, " She needs more structure than you're providing.."
Again, feeling like a HUGE failure as a mother.
I wish I was SuperMom, but I'm not.
My sister( In law, so it's not in my genes) is SuperMom, and I guess I envy that.
She goes to school full-time,is preparing for Pharmacy school, takes care of her VERY LARGE, BEAUTIFUL home, and raises a happy little boy, while my brother is workin' hard over sea's.
And I'm pretty sure she has like a 4.0 on top of everything.
And she's BEAUTIFUL.
Again, feeling like a failure.
Maybe my mom is right. We don't provide enough structure. But honestly, we're doing the best that we can.
I have to work.
Randy has to work.
I'm sure Grace is bored. And she's 3.
So, as of now, we no longer take naps, since this is when most of the chaos happens.
I'm also considering leaving my part-time hospice job. I didn't think that the lady I take care of would last this long, but I've come to the conclusion that she will outlive us all.
It's hard to walk away from easy money, especially when money used to be a huge deal ( it's gotten better, but I'm always afraid), but my sanity can't take much more.
Right now, I have 1 day a week off, and I spend it sleeping.
More than anything, I just want happy kids, you know?
And honestly, I just don't think it's possible here.
Not in this tiny house.
Not in this state.
I think back to when I've seen them the happiest, when we've been the happiest, and it's in Texas.
That's all for now