Thursday, November 30, 2006


Well, it finally happened.
Shit hit the fan at my hospice lady's house.
Myself and the other girls that work for the registry got sideswiped by the caregiver that isn't with the registry.
She gave hospice lady our report book where we write what happened during our shift ( i.e. every time she threatens to kill herself, yells at us, is off her oxygen, what she eats, how many packs she smokes when we're there, and what care she refuses).
Hospice lady hit the ROOF!!!!
I called Carrie, the caregiver that's there right now on her cell to see how things were going and she told me what happened.
She was smack dub in the middle of hell.
She asked me to call our registry ( they refer us, but we private contractors) and let them now she wouldn't be going back.
She also told me I was in for it when I came back.
I know truer word were never spoken.
I'm also not going back.
I called our registry and told them about what was going on.
They dropped her as a client.
It wasn't worth us losing our licences, or standing of the way of getting our nursing licences ( Carrie and I both have less than a year left before we're RN's).
With the pills missing(again), and the way she's been treating us girls, refusing care, and unwilling to have new caregivers, she's too much of a liability.

With us all leaving they refuse to send anyone else out.
My heart is breaking.
I promised myself I would stay until the end, but enough is enough.
I know the woman that gave her the book to read wanted more hours, but she went about the wrong way.
She fucking sandbagged us.

Why do I feel so bad?

Bits and pieces

I wonder if it's my resent experience with getting high that led me to add the song, Karma Chameleon to my iPod??
Grace has informed us that Santa will be bring her a bike, a puppy, a baby brother, and a talking Dora doll Christmas. We talked to Santa. None of those are on the list.
Santa finished Grace old list weeks ago.


Grace is in a Little Mermaid phase. My favorite part of the day is her bed time when I go lay in bed with her, and we tell each other stories and sing Part of your World. Neither of us know all the words. It's too funny.


I added the song, Africa, by Toto to my MySpace page. It's still my favorite song EVER! It's kinda our song. Randy and I sing it together every time we go to Karaoke.
Why, yes, we are big nerds.
And having as my ring tone on my cell phone just isn't enough.
Hey! I also have London Bridges.
Africa is for Text Messages, and when Randy calls from his cell.
Again - Nerd.


After working more than any one person should the last 2 days, I had a list of things I wanted to get done before going back to work at my regular full-time job tonight.
Last night my list was:

1. Spend time with the girls and Randy.
2. Drink the yummy wine my Mom and Dad bought Randy and I for our anniversary last week.
3. Take a VERY long hot shower and shave.
4. Have headboard bangin', monkey sex with my husband, who has gone neglected lately, due to my crazy work schedule.
5. Check my email and blogg ( also been neglected due to work schedule)
6. Make cookies for a friend at work.

Well, I spent the night with Randy and the girls. We didn't make cookies. I sang song and told stories with Grace in her bed until she said " um, Mommy, you can go now".
Took a very long, hot shower, doing a half-ass job at shaving.
Then debated drinking wine, but decided against it because I'd taken so much Aleve, due to feeling like my face was hit by a Semi driven by Satan himself ( Aftermath of Root Canal).
Laid on my husband's chest, intertwined with him for over an hour, just cuddling until he had to get up and work on the computer ( he works from home @ 11p for an hour or so every night).
When he got up, I told him I was going to nap on the couch, but to WAKE ME UP so we could, um, enjoy each other's company more fully.
I woke up in bed this morning.
"HEY, DAMMIT! I thought you were gonna wake me up for some sinkin' the sausage!!!"
Randy looked at me all wide-eye ed " Yeah, I sooo tried, but you weren't having it."
Damn me!

A thin line between love and hate- My excuse- Thank you for smokng!!!

I've told you that I took a part time Hospice job, right?
7 months ago.

I take care a an 84 year old woman with lung cancer.
She still in her own apartment because they allow her to chain smoke.

Anyways, she's a retired math teacher.
No children of her own, divorced after 5 years.
She's always ran the show, never letting anyone else take control.

As, I mentioned before, I'm sure the cancer in in her brain now, because she'll flip at the drop of a hat.
All the other caregivers are quitting cause they can't take it anymore.
So, being nice, I filled in for a few shifts on my days off because this woman is absolutely AWFUL to new caregivers.

Anyway, about a month ago, she decide to bring in 2 new people who don't work for the registry that 3 of us do, therefore, avoiding the the hourly fee she'd have to pay on top of the hourly salary we get.

Since then things have gone to shit. Her pain meds have gone missing on 2 different occasions.
84 hydrocodone pills, and 2 bottles of Tylenol 3 ( codeine).
It's literally been a cluster fuck.
Well, she's gone now ( in rehab), but pills came up missing again over the weekend with the other person not with our registry.
So, I walked into hell Monday at 1pm.
At 1:30, her hospice nurse, the social worker, and her power of attorney all walked in to have a "walk with Jesus talk".
It went badly.
We all have an idea of where the pills are going, but can't prove it.
Long story short - she almost PUNCHED OUT her hospice nurse.
No, I'm not kidding.

So, guess who was left smack dab in the middle of HELL when they all left.
That's right, little 'ol me.
To make matters worse - I was there for a 20 hour shift ( 1p - 9a the next morning)
To make it EVEN MORE worse, I lived with the knowledge that I would be back 5 hours after I left for yet another 8 hour shift.
So, when 9am rolls around, and my relief comes, my fav other caregiver, and I tell her what has all gone down, she tells me she's done.
She won't be coming back.
Somehow I agree to work her overnight shift that evening.
So instead of working 2-10, as I planned, I was coming back 2p-9a.
I knew it would be trouble.

So, I rush off to a root canal appt. that I had @ 10a.
That lasted until 12:15.
Had just enough time to run to Barnes an Nobble to get Sleeping with the Fishes, and run home for a much needed shower, and go back.


I knew I was in for a LOOOOOOOONG shift when 20 minutes later she ORDER me out of the room so she could make a phone call, and said, in her nastiest mean little old lady voice, " and don't you DARE go into the other room and pick up the phone and listen!!"

Yeah, cause I do that kinda thing. UGH!

I asked her when had I EVER done that to her (????) and went outside to avoid accusation.

She was NASTY to me the rest of the night.

I was public enemy #1.

The hospice Chaplin came to visit with her around 3p, and she told him that : 1. us younger girls were " hypersensitive, and over react to her voice tone" and it must be because of the "generation gap". 2. It's the hospice nurses fault that her pills go missing ( did I mention that she accused HER of taking the missing pills??? Uh, yeah. Her nurse is 6 months pregnant. Must be growin' a little narc addict). 3. She was *PROUD* she acted like she was going to hit the nurse. She'll " always go to bat for my caregivers!!! DON'T YOU DARE ACCUSE THEM!!! Which, BTW, he nurse NEVER did. WE just kinda put 2 and 2 together).

Needless to say, I was walking on eggshells until about 5am, when she decided she loved "me sooo much".

Shit. She'd better!!! I've been with her since the beginning and am the only one who hasn't quit because of her nastiness.
And because she smokes like a chimney.
Spending 39 hours with her over the last 2 days, I see that it's far more than the 3 packs a day than I thought.

But what can I do? I've promised myself I would stay with her until the end, but I'm seeing that there is a thin line between love and hate with her.
And I hate never knowing what side I'll be on when I walk in the door..

The money isn't even worth it half the time.
This, my friends, is my long, lame-ass excuses for still smoking.

I'm not an addict

Actually, yes I am. My Drug: Books.
For I can not help myself.
And the fact that I work overnight just fuels the fire, so to speak.
I read, on the average, anywhere from 4-8 books a week.
And this week is a EXCELLENT week, my fellow nerds, because my absolute favorite-est author, MaryJanice Davidson, put out her new book, Sleeping with the Fishes, Tuesday.

Of course I ran right on out and got it.

*SIGH* I love that woman.


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got HIGHHHHHHHHH

Hey! Remember me? Here I am. I know it's been awhile- sorry about that.

Let's get down to it, shall we?

Right after I posted last time I got a killer migrane from hell that lasted for a week.

A FUCKING WEEK- that's right.

I thought I was dying.

It was worse than haven't my body sliced open twice to remove 2 little red headed little girls without the epidural working ( turns out I'm immune to morphine).

Dr. FancyShoes ( as I like to call her) gave me Imitrex, and that only made my head feel like it was splitting open at the base of my skull.

Good Times.
I'm pretty sure I was as close to a raving bitch as one can get.

Finally caved in and went to the ER when I just couldn't do it anymore.

They gave me a shot of Stadol, which has been the only thing that has ever worked for me. AND it makes you feel drunk. I love it.

However, my good friend Stadol let me down this time ( little fucker).

20 minutes later, and feeling no better, I got some other shot.

It didn't work either.

Narcotics, to me, are kind of small bunch to pick from since I'm allergic to codeine. Even a little bit. and I'll decorate rooms in vomit. We all get the point, right?

30 minutes later they called in the big guns.

50 mg in the ass.

**Fokes, I gotta tell ya, if I ever get over my fear of sharp objects, and wanted to throw my life away to become a drug addict, Demerol would defiantly be my lover.

Feeling a little bit better ( pain had gone from a 9 to a 6), and 20 minutes later we were on our way home. I couldn't even smoke on the way cause I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. I wasn't sleeping - I WAS HIGH! I still tried to smoke anyway.

* Also keep your panties on. I know I said I was going to quit, and I am. I'm just not ready yet...I'll explain more later. Next post, k?

We got home and Randy started walking for the door and I just kinda stood in the driveway....trying to get my feet to work.

I thought it was all very fascinating




Little Ms. Never went though a "drug phase" was high.

I made it to the couch, grunted a thank you at my sister for dropping everything and coming to watch the kids, and laid down. I felt like I was falling. I just never hit the ground. Randy put the girls to bed and went out and bought me a Ruben from Arby's. I was trying to watch what I ate, but I was too high to care. Pretty sure I scarfed that bad boy down, chasing it with a FAT Dr. Pepper( I only drink diet soda). I remember laying back down, watching South Park around 9pm. Next thing I know it's 3am and Randy is telling me it's time to go lay in bed.

I wasn't high in the morning, but good things never do last, do they? By mid-morning my migraine was gone, an there was peace in my head and my home.
And 3 very large bruises on my ass cheeks.


Thursday, November 16, 2006

You know, I'm selfish.
I've given up my blogg for sleep.
I don't feel bad about it though.
I love sleep.
Not that I don't love you all, but, like I said I'm selfish, and sleep is better.
I don't have anything funny to say.
I've become boring.

I'll rack my head over the next few days and try to come up with something witty

Monday, November 06, 2006

Just a little bit broken...

I'm late, I know....
Still recovering from a month of pure hell...

But it's all good, cause I got new Pajamas and slippers that match yesterday.

I love Sock monkeys!

Working overnights kinda sucks.
Last month I worked10 hour shifts Friday, Saturday, Monday Tuesday.
Not my job, of course, but not working the days in a row.
I also still have my hospice lady, that I'm convinced, will out live us all...chain smoking 3 packs a day.
Sunday was my only full day off.
Miserable and broken- That best describe me in the month of October.

I haven't talked to a majority of my friends in a month ( or I saw them and they didn't talk to me).

This month, I got my schedule permanently changed to Thursday - Sunday.
Hospice lady on Mondays and Wednesday.
Now Tuesday are my only day off.
Once Christmas is done and over, helpfully, so will the madness.

Wanna know the kicker to all this?
It's really funny.
I switched to overnights cause Randy was going to take a different job within his company and would actually work 9-5, and we didn't want to put the girls in daycare.
Well, after finding out what all the job entailed, after numerous interviews, Randy declined the it because it would have just been another glorified headache with more money
At least where he's at now he has flexibility.
So, now I'm working overnights, and Grace is going to daycare.
She was so bored after school, and I was so tired, it was the best choice.

I couldn't switch my hours back if I wanted to.
Because of the holidays, my company puts out November -January schedules in October.
I'm stuck.
Funny, huh?

Yeah....Not so much.

But I have cute pajamas!

Oh, yeah - Still smoking...haven't lost any weight either.