I haven't had a good rant in a while, so why not?
First and foremost I want to say that I love my job.
I took a big pay cut going there, but hey, I love my job, so it all evens out, right?
Lately, I've been kinda frustrated.
And it isn't the job, it's the people.
When I first started last May, I was bound and determined to walk in there and be the best behavioral health tech ever.
Well, I crashed and burned.
I set really high expectations and was really hard on my self.
I'm sure that I was looked at as " too eager", but I was, so that's ok.
All I wanted to do was make a difference. Feel like I was doing something positive to help these kids.
I've come to grips that I am not quite Master of the Universe yet ( not until I'm 30), and I have areas that I need to develop.
Area 1. ) My Voice Tone
Sometimes what I say comes out more harsh than I mean for it to.
Area 2.) Having good Boundaries
I can't help but be "attached" to the kids I work with and care for them.
A co-worker told me that another co-worker thinks I have " horrible boundary issues" with the kids. That I get too personal, almost coddling the youth.
And I know that's true.
I've always been the mothering type.
I had a friend once tell me that I was trying to save the world bit by bit.
Maybe I am.
The woman that said I had bad boundaries has a very different teaching style than I do.
Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike her. I'm sure that if I had met her on different terms we'd probably be friends ( I like to be friends with everyone - I'm lame that way). But I don't feel comfortable giving her feedback and I know she doesn't feel comfortable giving me feedback.
So, how do I not be personal, but not robotic and harsh at the same time?
I've got to find a happy medium.
There seems to be such a clash between the "old school" and the "new school" staff.
People are burned out and the kids know it.
New staff want to quit because of the old staff.
I know what that's like cause I was totally there the first 2 months.
It makes me sad because we all have the common goal of helping these kids.
The good Lord knows we aren't there for the money.
And you can get easily burned out.
These kids aren't in a locked facility for singing to loud in church on Sunday, ya know? They have issues. But for the most part these kids are good eggs that have had crappy things happen to them or no structure.
We're supposed to be a therapeutic environment and the adults can't even get along and communicate properly.