Friday, March 30, 2007

Whats more sad? That fact I'm still laughing or the fact I'm concidering doing some of these...

THINGS TO DO AT WALMART



1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Put a bra and tampons in a guys shopping cart. Put a pair of tiny thongs in a big woman's buggy.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

My sweet Grace


My oldest baby will be 4 next Friday.

My heart is breaking!

We can't decide what to get her.

She need another toy like she needs a hole in the head, BUT maybe we'll make this one exception

Happy Friday :o)

It may be Friday to you all, but it's my Monday.
I work tonight 10p-7:30a.
Tomorrow and Sunday 2:30p-7:30am.
I'm get exhausted just thinking about it.
It's worth it to be home all week though.
I love my babies.
Next week - TEXAS!!!
WOOOOOHOOOO
That might make the weekend a little easier.
So, I'm planning on working on baby blankets all weekend and finishing this book.
Then I'll finish these.
Possibly this.

Waving my freak flag again

Thursday, March 29, 2007

This is just crazy

Why would men put themselves on this shit? Seriously?!

I never did follow directions well

I used this last week when I went tanning. When they say it heats up THEY ARE NOT KIDDING!
I was on fire after 2 minutes.

Bright red for 3 hours after.
Then I just faded back to pale.
Damn

Brotherly love



Gramps, Me and Billy in 2005 ( I had the flu)


My brother's new nickname for me is "twatwaffle".

He makes sure to call me it every day.
From Overseas.
I love that kid

" These are my confessions..."


For J


I went to a Catholic school growing up.

By the time 8th grade came around we thought we owned the joint. We knew everything.

We we're hot shit ( then again, who isn't at 14?).

One day we we're a little feisty and it just happened to fall on a day that we all had to go to confession ( where you go in a little room and tell the priest all your sins)

That day we drew straws to see who would make up a crazy story and the rest of us would time them to see how long they were in there.

My friend Carol was the lucky winner.

She stayed behind the screen and told the priest that she'd been having sex with the man that she baby-sat for ( a totally made up story).

She was in there 42 minutes.

I still chuckle a little too much when I think of that.

My new Baby

This is baby Hass ( short for Hasenfeffer..My Husband thinks he's funny)
She's about 8 weeks old an VERY SUPER DUPER CUTE.
And she like to cuddle.
I'm in Heaven



And NO! We don't plan on eating her.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Our Sexy Pillow Talk.


Every night that I'm off we seem to have that same routine.

After the kids go to bed, we sit together on the couch and watch TV until Randy has to dial into work ( around 12a) and then I read or work on a blanket ( I'm constantly making baby blankets).

More often than not, I pass out.

Then Randy wakes me up and we go to bed together.

If we're not too tired we play " sink the sausage".

Then we pass out cuddling.

Cute, right?

Last night Randy asked, " Honey, do you think we're boring?"


" No, why?"


"Cause we always do the same thing. I don't want you to get bored with me."


" Baby, I love you and we aren't boring. We're "adults". Besides, don't you think that we did enough partying back in the day? We deserve to be a little boring."

Then he kissed my head.


Just then, Faith woke up crying ( she's getting her last 2 teeth and has a cold).

SCREAMING

I went and got her, put her in bed with us to calm her down and get her back to sleep.

30 minutes later I took her back to bed and then we both passed the fuck out.

I like being boring

Kids say the darndest things....


My dad had surgery on his sholder last week.
So he's off work for the next few weeks.
Grace asked if we could go see him and my mom and I told her no.
I knew that my SIL and nephew were there and that would mean all 3 grandkids jumping around and trying to get in my Dad's lap.
I told her that Pop Pop had a owie and we could call him later instead.
She asked " Does Pop Pop have owies cause Gammy beats him?"
I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants.
Then I called my parents and told them.
My Dad got a HUGE kick out of it.
We went over there anyway so that Grace could see that her Pop Pop wasn't being abused.
He was just fine, chillin' in his recliner, watching American Idol with my mom, boo-ing at Sanjaya.
Nice, huh?
He just turned 50.
My mom is 48
My parents are some funny shit.

"You look like an angel...but you're the devil in disguise





I had 3 beers and some buttered popcorn jelly bellies for dinner.

I must be a totally light weight cause I felt way tipsy....

Then I felt like ass.

It's not even worth it anymore..

Thursday, March 22, 2007

"Jimmy Jimmy, uh, Jimmy Jimmy"

I got an email today telling me that my partner ( from when I dispatched helicopters) passed away.
He was 44.
He was an amazing person.
I can't think of what else to say.
Just last week I was thinking of sending him an email.
Now it's too late.
So, Rock on Jimmy Jimmy.
I love ya.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Example 9843 of our excellent parenting skills




Tonight, my sweet baby girl, Grace, who will be 4 in a few weeks, called her Daddy a " Crack Whore".


Fucking Beautiful.


Lets hope she doesn't go to her VERY CHRISTIAN preschool and repeat that one.

Some kick ass shirts!!! It really doesn't take much to amuse me...










WTF??!!!!

Someone is stealing paintings out of churches in the Metro area
Fire and Damnation must not scare everyone.
I'm sure stealing shit out of a church isn't something I'd want to talk to Saint Peter about.
God bless those people. They must really need the money.
How sad

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Reason 9855432138695313 why I'm going to hell


I watched Dancing With the Stars last night just to see if Heather Mills leg would fly off.

I was just curious.

Monday, March 19, 2007

" You got the right stuff, baby!!!!"







Randy and I were watching TV last week and Mark Wahlberg was on some talk show. I loved me some Marky Mark back in 7th grade.



Then we started talking about New Kids on the Block ( Donnie was my favorite..I always liked the bad boys)



He made some disturbing comments and I threatened to beat him in the head with the remote until he was profusely bleeding and had serious case of head trauma.



Over the New Kids.



Is that wrong?



As a sign of rebelling, You Got the Right Stuff is now my ring tone on my cell.



I win.



Hehehehehehehehehe.
In case you didn't know, I work in a inpatient residential treatment center for kids with behavioral/mental issues.
I LOVE MY JOB.
Seriously, yo.
I'm primarily based on the all girls unit where the ages range from 11-17.
It's almost like walking into Jr. High.
Petty. Catty. Click-y
I still love it though.
However, I've decided that working Friday 10pm-8:30am and then pulling back to back doubles on the Saturday and Sunday (3p-7:30am) isn't fun anymore.
I.NEED.SLEEP!
But then I miss interacting with the kids since I usually work overnights, so I always say yes when they need help on the weekends
Yesterday I was called a "dirty whore" by one of my 15 year old patients.
I find it funny/strange that I miss that kinda interaction.
They're good eggs, and this one was just having a really bad day ( she then attacked 5 staff).
Maybe I'm just waving my freak flag again.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Closet Freaks wave those flags!!!

There's a reason that I buy all my books used.
Tonight I went to Barnes and Noble because there are 2 new books I wanted.
3 books = $32.00 ( yeah, I splurged and bought one I wasn't looking for)
Do you have any idea what $32.00 will get me in a used book store?
About 20-25 books.
FUCK
Then I find out that I totally forgot one
Now, I bet you all think that I'm weird.
Oh, well.
I have a thing for Vampires - it can not be helped.

I not buying anymore books at full price until this comes out ( with the exception of the book I forgot).
Seriously yo. You HAVE. TO. READ. the Undead series.
It's the FUNNIEST shit ever!
Really.
I swear.
I just finished this.
Laughed my ass off.
Tomorrow I'm starting this series( does anyone else try to read 94 books at once???)
HBO is even creating a show based off of it.
LOVIN IT!!!
Makes me think that more of use " freaks" are comin' on out.
Even Lifetime has a new show.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

What every woman loves to hear



" Wow, Annie. I haven't seen you since you're wedding. You look like you've lost a lot of weight"

"Really? I haven't"

" Oh, yes you have. You were really heavy at your wedding"

Like that wasn't motivation to hop back on the weight watcher wagon and get myself to a size 0 so that I can really give people something to talk about. *sigh*

Love,
Captian Fatass

Dis and Dat

Our friends, Justin and Jenna, listened to all my whining and made me a baby. Baby E.J. was born Sunday night - CONGRATS!!!!

My Daddy turned 50 last week, and my mom threw him a awesome surprise party on Saturday.

Anemia is currently kicking my ass hard core.

K just had a birthday. I'm a totally shady mofo cause I haven't talked to her in months. Happy B-day K! I love ya and you're still my hooker.

It's currently 3pm and I'm still in my monkey pj's.....don't care...

I should be cleaning and doing laundry.

I got a text message from a friend at my old job telling me one of our co-workers died this morning

I didn't even know he was sick.

I totally feel like an asshole.

Why the fuck is my mood so shitty?