Thursday, November 28, 2013

" So I bare my skin, and I count my sins, and I close my eyes and I take it in..."

I think it's sweet that I get emails asking for updates. Really, I'm not that interesting. I AM funny shit though, so I get the entertainment value. Where to start...? Hmmm, that's a tough one. So, this will probably be a long, rambling post. You might want to grab a snack. I'll wait...
You good? 
Ok, let's go.


I met a man named Jerry, from Des Monies. He owned a car dealership, and was in town for an auto action.
First date: Amazeballs. Driving around in his Truck, singing Florida Georgia Line, and Hinder at the top of our lungs. We had some drinks, he introduced me to some of his sales people, and we just hung out. I went home at the end of the night, and looked forward to seeing him the next week when he came back to town. 
Second Date: Not so Amazeballs. Let's be clear. Money does not impress me. It doesn't want to make me drop my panties and fuck you. After buying the bar a few rounds, and continually flashing this wad of cash around, I thought, " This Dude is turning into a tool.". He got proceeded to get drunk, and tell me I WAS  "giving into" him that night. HAHAHAHAHA! No..No..That's not how this works, Sweetheart. I don't care how much money you have, or how big your truck is. So, needless to say, I went home, and he called me a bitch because I didn't know how good I coulda had it. Playa, please. If I want it I can get it for myself. 
And that was the end of Jerry from Des Monies.

I dated someone else for 6 months. Things fizzled at about 4. I beat a dead horse for another 2. He loved me, I know he did, but I was too " Perfect" and I scared him. He never quite got the kids, well, at least the girls. And that just wasn't going to work.


Then I had a Manfriend ( because at 35 I'm far too old for a"boyfriend")
That was nice. 
Then it wasn't.
End of story.
If I catch you lying to me about little shit, then I obviously can't trust you with the big shit. Online affairs..Porn ( while I'm surely not getting laid), and being ignored.
Hmmmm. I've played that game before. No thank you.
I'm not in a rush. I'm a HUGE believer in Fate. If it's meant to be it'll be.

Now, I've been pretty lucky. The men I HAVE dated for any amount of time have all been pretty great. Sure, for one reason or another it wasn't going to work ( I'm a picky bitch), but they've all treated me well. You learn to appreciate that. And I know I'm a stellar girlfriend. Sometimes you just know in the long run it isn't gonna pan out, so why waste each other's time. Am I "Leary" of men? Someone just asked me that, and I said no. But, shit, maybe I am. I think I'm more scared of losing anyone else. My circle is soooo small these days. About 6 weeks ago my bestie and I "broke up". Long story...2 Irish Tempers...Things where said. It's sad. It's still sad 6 weeks later. I love her like she's one of my kids. She's been my best friend since 2000. She'd seen me through a failed engagement, a wedding, the loss of a child, the birth of 3 children, and a divorce. That's a lot of shit, yo. I miss her everyday. And that's all I have to say about that.
Part of me thinks I'm scared to let anyone in because I can't take losing anybody else. I'm also at that point where I don't want to chase people to be in my life. Does that make sense?

My circle anymore is my family. Those fuckers can't lose me no matter what. I'm lucky that we're so close. And what friends I do hang out with I've had for at least 10 years. They KNOW my crazy ass, and understand me.
The other night I was hanging out with some friends and Demons by Imagine Dragons came on. I mentioned that I thought it should be my theme song.
 J said, " No, Bleeding Out is totally you. You'd slit your own wrist if you thought it would help someone...."
Me " That's a shitty example. I gave blood today".....
Long story short, my friends proceeded to have a " Walk with Jesus" talk with me. I'm my own worse critic. This I already knew. I was told I have the kindest heart possible, and everyone loves me. " To know you is to love you. How could anyone not? You're always worried that we haven't eaten, or aren't wearing our seat belts" HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's true! I do text them daily to see if they've eaten.  They're the sweetest assholes ever.

As far as posting about the kids, and their Father..
Not today.

I feel like this was long, but didn't say much.
I had a little to drink last night, so I may not be on my A game lol.
I spent 20 minutes looking for Sunglasses in my purse this morning. Never found them. But, Hey! If anyone needs a lighter, tampon, or lip gloss I could totally hook you up.


I'll post about the kiddos this weekend. In the meantime, you can always find me on Facebook under Notasoccermom@gmail.com


No comments: