Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Cause I'm a dumbass.

 I don't really know where to start this. To be honest I didn't even think I wanted to talk about it. This post is about heartbreak. And let me tell you it sucks major ass. Last August I met someone. He became one of my best friends. Around December I realized that I was in love with him. Which was totally stupid on my part. I knew from the very beginning he was unattainable. And that was okay. That wasn't at all what I was looking for. When I realized I'd fallen for him I knew I was in trouble. In some ways I thought he felt the same way. In other ways I wasn't sure. He told me when I reminded him a lot of his ex wife. I didn't know that was a good thing or a bad thing. In December I had asked if he would put my lucky little truck gnome in his truck. That was the last time I heard from him. I still miss him every day. He did the one thing I asked him not to do. I asked if he was mad at me or if he needed space to just let me know. I don't know what happened. Its stupid of me to a fallen for someone that I never done anything with except hug. I know there's a master plan here somewhere. But its months later and I still haven't figured it out. I sent him an email. I've texted him a few times. I think I even called once. I've come to the conclusion he either cared too much or not at all EITHER way he's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I've deleted his contacts..I don't wanna be that girl. On January 1st one of my best friends died of the flu. It was devastating. I took my sd card to get read so I could get some pictures off of it and I found pictures of him. Seeing that made me feel like I've been punched in the gut. I miss him every single day. Given the chance to screw things up and I'm all over it. Blah.